THE SHEYP'S YED
by Val. Baxter Me mam went off ter th' butchers Un bowt a big sheyp's yed "We cun 'ave it fer us tay toneet Wi gravey too." she sed. She purrit inter th' oven The smell o' lamb were grand I thowt me mam were t' very best O' cooks in aw ut land. She purrit out on t' table It were a lung wile off t' tay So 'er sent me inter t' feyld Wi' th' other kids fer t' play But me un t' other kids fawd out So I began fer t' shaut Me mam's a witch, 'er'll curse yer aw Tha's not sin 'er wen 'er's owt! The kids shufflet un' then shauted Gerrout, tha great big liar "Sithee aw, am tellin t' truth," I creyd "'Er cauldron's 'ung o'er feyr. 'Er killt me dad this morning 'Er rippt is yed reet off It's sitting cooked on t' table It cured is pitmon's cough!" "Gerrout, tha liar, tha's tellin' a tale!" Th' kids aw sed ut once "Am not, tha knows, un' anyroad, Go 'n' luke ut yonder bonce! Th' kids crept up ter th' winder Un' on th' yon table saw Th' yed ut sheyp, aw steymin' The aw creyd, "Ooh!" un' "Aww!" "A yed!" they creyd, "Thee Favver's dead! Tha' mam's a witch aw reet! Fetch owd plod th' copper Summat's appent on 'is beyt! Mam opent th' door fer t' see wot's up 'Er shawl pullt o'er 'er yed 'Er teyth still sittin in th' tin mug On th' chair ut side o' th' bed! Un' ev'ry inch a witch 'er luket "Wot's up?" me mam cawd out Th' kids luket up un' pusht un' gaspt Un' then begun fer t' shout. "Th' Wiggin witch is 'ere, gerrout! 'Er'll boil us yeds!" The' creyd "Dun't be daft! I shouted Tha aw must know I lied!" Me Dad were on a treble shift In th' pit, un' it were days Fore 'e weres in ut 'ome agin Fer wot I gid reet praise! I were sick o' bein on me own A victim o' me own lies No kids 'ud play wi' me till Dad Gid dis a big surprise. 'E walkt up th' streyt un' saw aw th' kids "A ghost!" The' aw cawt out "Dun't be daft!" me favver sed "I'll gi thee aw a clout!" Un' tho' me Mam un' Dad did laff I'll tell thee war a lernt Don't tell lies ter friends o' thine Tha'll get tha fingers burnt!
The end