Val. Baxter

Me mam went off ter th' butchers
Un bowt a big sheyp's yed
"We cun 'ave it fer us tay toneet
Wi gravey too." she sed.

She purrit inter th' oven
The smell o' lamb were grand
I thowt me mam were t' very best
O' cooks in aw ut land.

She purrit out on t' table
It were a lung wile off t' tay
So 'er sent me inter t' feyld
Wi' th' other kids fer t' play

But me un t' other kids fawd out
So I began fer t' shaut
Me mam's a witch, 'er'll curse yer aw
Tha's not sin 'er wen 'er's owt!

The kids shufflet un' then shauted
Gerrout, tha great big liar
"Sithee aw, am tellin t' truth," I creyd
"'Er cauldron's 'ung o'er feyr.

'Er killt me dad this morning
'Er rippt is yed reet off
It's sitting cooked on t' table
It cured is pitmon's cough!"

"Gerrout, tha liar, tha's tellin' a tale!"
Th' kids aw sed ut once
"Am not, tha knows, un' anyroad,
Go 'n' luke ut yonder bonce!

Th' kids crept up ter th' winder
Un' on th' yon table saw
Th' yed ut sheyp, aw steymin'
The aw creyd, "Ooh!" un' "Aww!"

"A yed!" they creyd, "Thee Favver's dead!
Tha' mam's a witch aw reet!
Fetch owd plod th' copper
Summat's appent on 'is beyt!

Mam opent th' door fer t' see wot's up
'Er shawl pullt o'er 'er yed
'Er teyth still sittin in th' tin mug
On th' chair ut side o' th' bed!

Un' ev'ry inch a witch 'er luket
"Wot's up?" me mam cawd out
Th' kids luket up un' pusht un' gaspt
Un' then begun fer t' shout.

"Th' Wiggin witch is 'ere, gerrout!
'Er'll boil us yeds!" The' creyd
"Dun't be daft! I shouted
Tha aw must know I lied!"

Me Dad were on a treble shift
In th' pit, un' it were days
Fore 'e weres in ut 'ome agin
Fer wot I gid reet praise!

I were sick o' bein on me own
A victim o' me own lies
No kids 'ud play wi' me till Dad
Gid dis a big surprise.

'E walkt up th' streyt un' saw aw th' kids
"A ghost!" The' aw cawt out
"Dun't be daft!" me favver sed
"I'll gi thee aw a clout!"

Un' tho' me Mam un' Dad did laff
I'll tell thee war a lernt
Don't tell lies ter friends o' thine
Tha'll get tha fingers burnt!

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