SHOPPING GUIDE
by Monty Wells 'Hot Stuff Harry the Handler' Dealt in stolen goods. He bought loot from shoplifters Petty thieves and hoods, He'd buy nicked cars or jewellery A watch, necklace or ring, The 'Gendarmes' kept an eye on him But couldn't prove a thing. He had a sidekick, Morris Who hadn't any class, He 'shopped' villains to the police They called him 'Mo the Grass'. Then one day the headlines screamed. 'BANK OF ENGLAND'S BEEN HIT HARD! GOLD HAS BEEN SWIPED OVERNIGHT! THIEVES BAFFLE SCOTLAND YARD.' The perpetrators of this crime Knew a good fence must be found Called on Harry. He gave them cash. Ten pence in the pound. Mo knew of this transaction And gave 'Old Bill' a buzz The villains got their 'collar felt' They were picked up by the fuzz. Cops also wanted nark and fence And made notes in their diaries, The duo should both be brought in. To help with their enquiries. Now Mo and Harry realised They had a lot to lose, They stashed away ill-gotten gains And, disguised, went on a cruise. On board the boat, which they chose To sail across the sea, Was one, Inspector Gasleek Whiz kid of the C.I.D. He watched crooks and saw through Their disguises in a tick, As Mo and Harry clung to rail They were violently sea-sick. Inspector summoned Captain And said, "I'll have you know Those two blokes are miscreants So lock 'em up below. The one near us is Harry I know him despite his wig. The nark's the farthest from us Now shove 'em in the brig! The Captain paused a moment Not quite sure what to do, Harry's face was a pea green shade Mo's was a deeper hue. "Come on now" said Inspector It's obvious... it makes sense. The grass is always greener On the other side of the fence"
The end