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THE THREE PIRATES
by
Andrew Vasey

Three retired pirates sat reminiscing
On top of the old harbour wall:
One had one eye, one had one leg,
And the third one had only one ball.

So splice the mainbrace,
And pass round the grog,
Batten the hatches as well,
For the life of a pirate
Is short, yes it's short,
But he'll burn for forever in hell.


"I lost my eye to a rapier thrust,"
The first pirate said with a nod,
"We had boarded a frigate just south of Canton,
And their captain fought bravely, by God!
A thrust an inch more would have entered my brain,
And I'd be a goner, by heck,
But our bosun, Black Jack, shot the man in the back,
And he fell in a heap on the deck."

So splice the mainbrace,
And pass round the grog,
Batten the hatches as well,
For the life of a pirate
Is short, yes it's short,
But he'll burn for forever in hell.


"I lost my leg to a stray cannonball,"
The second one said with a curse,
"The pain it was bad when it shattered the leg,
But the pain that came later was worse.
The sawbones who took of the rest of the limb
Was a drunkard by name of Black John.
He took fifteen minutes to finish the work -
A good man would have done it in one."

So splice the mainbrace,
And pass round the grog,
Batten the hatches as well,
For the life of a pirate
Is short, yes it's short,
But he'll burn for forever in hell.


"I lost my ball in a bordello brawl,"
The third pirate said with a grin.
"I was caught on the job by a bloke called Black Bob,
Who the doorman should not have let in.
It seems that his wife had been leading a life
That he didn't expect her to do,
For, when he was at sea, she was servicing me,
And most of the rest of our crew."

So splice the mainbrace,
And pass round the grog,
Batten the hatches as well,
For the life of a pirate
Is short, yes it's short,
But he'll burn for forever in hell.


"With one eye you're half blind," the first pirate said,
"And that is the worst thing to be."
"With one leg you're half crippled," the second replied,
"And that seems a worse thing to me."
"I used to be," spoke up pirate three,
"The life and the soul of the party.
With my baritone voice I was everyone's choice,
But now I'm a semi-castrati!"

So splice the mainbrace,
And pass round the grog,
Batten the hatches as well,
For the life of a pirate
Is short, yes it's short,
But he'll burn for forever in hell.

 
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