Ivan Bennett

Whatever Happened to Spangles?
Plastic pillows of Drene Shampoo?
Chocolate Treets that wouldn't melt in your hand?
And Black and Green's Tea for your brew?

And Cadum, Camay and Lyril
And that other, unusual, soap
That went by the name of 'Kiku'
The wonderful soap on a rope

Caramel Wafers by Gray Dunn
A crunchy treat for everyone,
Luscious, dreamy, simply heaven,
Twelve for only one and seven!*

Soap powder ads gave the hard sell
How to get clothes whiter than white
Do the Window Test with new Rinso
And your clothes will be brighter than bright.

There's stuff you would not even think of today
Like soap powder called 'Omo' you see
Calling Rice Krispies 'the gayest of breakfasts'
Or gollywogs on jam jars for tea.

If you can't brush your teeth after every meal
For you 'Gleem' toothpaste's Heaven sent*
But you'll wonder where the yellow went
When you brush your teeth with 'Pepsodent'*.

Take a biscuit that's no bigger than a button,
Take some raisins that were lazing in the sun,
Take yourself some mellow milky chocolate,
Take a 'Tiffin' and taste them all in one!*

'Eskimo' frozen fish fingers
'Blue Ribband' biscuits, a treat
'Rael Brook', Rael Brook the shirts for men*
'Hush Puppies' to wear on your feet

'Vesta' dried cardboard curries
'Heinz Noodle Doodles' for me
'Chef's Square Shaped Soups'
Show how a good soup should be!*

Way down deep in the middle of the Congo,
A hippo took an apricot, a guava and a mango
He stuck it with the others, and he danced a dainty tango.
The rhino said, 'I know, we'll call it 'Um Bongo.'' *

'Wonderloaf' and their baker Cyril
Had us all singing with fun
Nice one Cyril. Nice one son
Nice one Cyril. Let's have another one!*

'Ponds Cold Cream' is good for your face
'Atrixo' is good for hands of course
'Zubes' are good for your tubes*
So go suck a Zube if you're hoarse*

TV ads showed enough housework
To get Mrs Average down
'1001' cleans a big, big carpet
For less than half a crown*

The power of television advertising is proved
Through the black and white days of my youth
You find it hard to believe what I say?
You can't make this up ' it's the truth!!

The Tiller Girls at the Palladium
Wearing 'Sarongster' Girdles ' no kiddin'
Show how it's possible to wear one
And still manage to do their high-kickin'

So whatever happened to 'Spangles'?
And all of those brands I once knew?
I think they made way for globalisation
When 'Marathon' became 'Snickers' it's true!

*Actual jingles or slogans

Return to
Monologues Home
Music Hall Home
The Forum
Pencil Portraits
Pedro Postcards
Amazon Store