DIET DIRGE
by
Bonni Rouch

Pizza, pasta, pie and chips!
If it contained loads of lard I'd surely eat it.
Crisps, oh crisps, how I dream of you nightly!
But the fat that you're baked in weighs on my hips mightily.

Vegetables, schmegetables, who needs the green stuff?
I'd rather eat pies with pastry that's puffed.
Pork scratchings, nuts, all things in small packets,
If they're salty and savoury in my mouth I would pack it.

Just don't get me started on scrumptious cheese,
The varieties and textures, they're all made to please.
With crackers and pickles, onions galore,
I'd eat till I barely could squeeze through the door.

And now my poor body is paying the price.
Oh how I wish I'd eaten just fish and rice!
The shape of my thighs just has no appeal,
With ripples and dimples like rough orange peal.

A chin? My gosh how I long for a chin!
For the one I have is wobbling in sin.
My spare tyre could have been made for a tractor.
I suspect the fried chicken was a key factor.

I wish I'd know the high price I would pay
For all the bad things I scoffed in past days.
I'm going to change all my bad eating habits.
Right after I've finished this big plate of chips.