Just then, in the distance, we heard the bright gleam
Of a bull's eye approach, and she cried
"Oh look! 'ere's the slop coming round on 'is beat
Oh save me! where can I hide?"

Like lightning, I raises the lid off my can,
And the lady 'ops into it quick
And I 'ears 'er inside crying, "Saved, I am saved"
As I fastens it down with a click.

And I leaves that dead corpse, on its back, in the mud
And I pushes like mad from the spot
And when the passing policeman 'e says, "Ow is trade?"
And I answers 'im, "All 'ot, all 'ot"

When at last I arrives down our yard with the can
I lifts up the cover with care
And I says in a soft, sotto-vocical way
To the lady inside, "Are you there?"

No voice didst reply, so I lights up a match
And my 'air perpendikiler stands
For the woman lay dead, with a smile on 'er face
And a 'tater in each of 'er 'ands!

  And the shock, what it gave me to think what I'd done
Made the blood in my arteries chill
My teeth starts a-chattering, my knees knocks together
My 'eart gives a bound and stands still.

The chill what I got then, I never shook off
And whatever the weather may be
My temperature's always below 32
And my 'air keeps on end, as you see.

I've tried every medicine what's ever come out
And consulted physicians in vain
Since that 'orrible night, on my sivvy, it's true
Sir, my 'eart's never beated again."

The stranger looked up at the murphy's face
"Why, your fortune is made, man." said he
"I want you... I edit the 'Daily Disgrace'
Our reporter in chief you shall be.

Ananias I know of, Munchausen and such
And De Rougemont himself I have met,
But it strikes me that you are the ablest of liars
That I have encountered as yet."

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