Will I tell you the story?... With pleasure
It's now only twenty to four
This train don't get in till 3.30
So we've still got the best part of an hour.

Well, for seventeen years, man and boy, sir,
I've followed my trade, you must know
I'm a steeplejack, in the employment
Of 'Weathercock, Faker & Co'.

It's an unhealthy life that we lead, sir,
A-climbing up steeples and shafts
For up at the top there, you see, sir,
We are so exposed to the draughts.

And then, there is always the danger
Of falling down hundreds of feet
Which, I needn't remind you, of course, sir,
Is by no means a Sunday School treat.

Some three years ago I was working
One hot summer's day in July
A sharpening the lightning conductor
On a chimney three hundred feet high

I got through the job pretty quickly
And was just a-preparing to stop
When I took a fat-headed motion
To stand on my head on the top.

So I climbed up the lightning-conductor
And was just glancing-like round the place
When I felt the whole jigger go swaying
Then bend down and hang over space.

The shock made me let go my hold, sir,
But by some miraculous chance
Two spikes of the lightning-conductor
Got fouled in the seat of my pants

There I hung like a fowl on a spit, sir,
With sweat running down me in streaks
And I saw my whole life pass before me
As I thought of the age of my breeks

There was only one thing gave me hope, sir,
Or I should have fainted I'm sure
Those pants had been patched up with sail-cloth
Some two or three evenings before.

I bawled like the dickens at first, sir,
But very soon altered my mind
For each time I let out a yell, sir,
The stitches went cracking behind.

Besides, sir, a-yelling was useless
I was working alone, sir, you see
And there wasn't a soul in the fact'ry
As dared have come up there to me.

So I swung, with my blood fairly frozen
Though the day was oppressively warm
And to add to my perilous plight, sir,
I saw we were in for a storm.

The sky became blacker and blacker
And then with an ear-splitting sound
The tempest burst forth in its fury
And lightning blazed fitfully round!

If it only once struck the conductor
I knew all was up with me
And there'd be a missus whose husband
Would never get home for his tea.

But, thank Heavens! in a few minutes
The storm was all over and gone
And a gentle wind blew from the East, sir,
While the earth sparkled bright in the sun.

And then, in the sky I saw something
And hope in my breast bubbled strong
'Twas a rainbow a-coming my way, sir,
The breeze, you see, blew it along.

Sir, you can¹t imagine my feelings
That rainbow gets near and more near
Will it come close enough to get hold of?
No - yes - no - yes - yes! It is here.

I made one desperate grab, sir,
Believe me it's true what I say
As I got both my arms round it
The last stitch behind me gave way.

Then, round it I curled my legs lightly
And down of that rainbow I slid
As I'd done down the bannisters often,
At home, sir, when I was a kid.

I hung on the end for a moment
Then, seeing a dust-cart below
I thought, "Here¹s a soft thing to fall on."
Then loosened my hold and let go.

I climbed from the cart and invited
The driver to come for a drink
And 'twas then, in the bar, I discovered
My ringlets had faded to pink.

Yes, it's true I've had offers from Barnum's
They've been round to see me beside
They'd give me good money, I know, sir,
But there - I¹ve my family pride.