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THE
COACHMAN BREAKS THE NEWS
performed by
Warren Hastings
'After
twelve months away from home, the master is picked up from the
station...'
Welcome home again, sir! I’m pleased to see you here
You must have been away from home for pretty nigh a year
A-shootin’ bears and tigers, and things like that, we’ve heard
Well now, just think of that, you know! it fairly takes the bird.
Yes,
jump in the trap, sir - I haven’t brought the brougham
I thought you’d like the breath of air that’s followed last night’s
storm
You’re lookin’ fit and well, sir, I’m very pleased to see
What? have I any news, sir? Is it that you’re askin’ me?
Oh,
of course, I quite forgot, sir, you ain’t had news from home
Since first you went a-shootin’ in a land across the foam
Well, first I ought to tell you... your poor old dog is dead
Yes, poor Jock I mean, sir... yes, sir, he was well bred.
How
did he come to die, sir? Well, if I ain’t a liar
The poor old dog was killed the night your house was set on fire
What, never heard of that, sir? Upon my word, that’s strange
It must be well nigh three months since the fire at the Grange.
How
did it happen? Well, you see, some people seem to think
As a candle near the corpse... What corpse? Well, strike me pink
You
didn’t know your Aunt was dead? Well this is mighty queer
It’s strange what seems to happen when you’re off from home a
year.
What
did your Aunt die of? Well, the doctors wouldn’t say
But I reckon I could tell ‘em, if they’d let me have my way.
Your
Aunt died of shock, sir, three days before the fire
The day she heard your wife, sir... had run off with the squire.
Ah,
don’t take it like that, sir... it’s pitiful to see
Just step into my cottage, and have a drop of tea.
I know it’s mighty hard, sir, to get these blows so rough
But I’ve got one bit of good news left... I had the old dog stuffed
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