THE INDIA RUBBER MAN
by
Warren Hastings and
Herberte Jordan (1943)
 This is the story of Senor Poloney, 
The India Rubber Man, 
Who worked in a side-show attached to a circus, 
And lived in an old caravan. 

In manner most charming, if somewhat alarming 
He'd knot both his legs round his middle, 
Then tie his big toes to the end of his nose, 
And play 'The Lost Chord' on a fiddle. 

This genteel performance was greatly admired, 
By people who came in their dozens; 
Some bringing their gals, their wives, or their pals, 
Their uncles, their aunts and their cousins. 

Now Senor Poloney was madly in love 
With a young lady known as 'La Swallow' 
Whose breathless performance upon the trapeze 
Was a dangerous calling to follow. 

Alas! Though Poloney 'La Swallow' adored, 
She did not return his affection. 
There can be no doubt she was never without 
Of boy-friends a goodly collection. 

Whenever Poloney could wrangle the time, 
He'd wander inside the arena. 
To gaze on 'La Swallow' with love-stricken eyes 
Feeling better because he had seen her. 

One day when 'La Swallow' was doing her stuff, 
She suddenly missed her connection. 
From high in the air, with a wail of despair, 
She fell in a downward direction. 

The welkin then rang with the horrified cries 
Of the crowd; thereby causing a ruction. 
As frantic with awe, the young lady they saw 
Being hurtled to death and destruction. 

Then just like a ferret who'd sat on a tack, 
Poloney, his eyes fairly popping, 
Dashed out with a shout and threw himself down 
On the spot where 'La Swallow' was dropping. 

The smack was the same as wet fish on a slab 
As on poor Poloney she landed. 
Then bounced up again to the top of the tent 
And caught the trapeze single handed. 

So Poloney the hero and lovely 'La Swallow' 
Were wed, and there's little to add. 
But two bouncing babies are learning the fiddle, 
To play 'The Lost Chord' like their dad. 
The end