Last week to a concert I chanced to go,
They asked me to sing but I answed, 'No'.
I said, 'I'm a conjuror, my name it is Cleggs,
I'll show you a trick if you'll lend me some eggs.'
Then all of a sudden it struck me,
I wished I'd 'ave said I could sing.

I shared my bed with a pal, you see,
That's when he worked in a drapery.
He dreamt he was serving one night, and so,
I thought he was tearing up cal-i-co.
Then all of a sudden it struck me,
I found he was tearing my shirt.

I went to the doctor's because I was ill,
He gave me some medicine also a pill.
'Of course you've been drinking!' he gave a sigh,
'If you drink anymore of that whiskey, you'll die.'
Then all of a sudden it struck me,
I'll not go to 'im anymore.