ALL SCOTCH
 
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There's a bonnie Scottish influence apparent now-a-days
It's evidences everywhere you'll see in many ways
When a sinner backs a winner for a 'dinna' p'raps he pays
That's all Scotch, Scotch again
The handy British carpenter who sends to you his card
He always uses Scotch glue with the tenderest regard
And the eagle-eyed detective gangs awa' to Scotland Yard
That's all Scotch, Scotch again.

Chorus: Bonnie Scotland has reason to boast of the fact
That she's never been conquered tho' often attacked
There was never a regiment that could beat the Black Watch
Nor a harmonie tonic like good Special Scotch.

If you've got a laddie of your own who spoils your Sunday nap
And so to keep him quiet - well - you take him on your lap
You'll find the safest remedy to soothe the little chap
Is butter-scotch - Scotch again
And have you ever noticed when you take a gentle walk
You'll see a crowd of urchins with a knob or two of chalk
And they'll hop around the pavement like a waiter round a cork
That's Hop-Scotch - Scotch again.

Chorus:

We dance the Caledonians - that's Scotch to a degree
The Scottische is another name for 'Scotch Itch', don't you see
And the wealthy cad he 'Banks and Brays' about his L.s.d
That's all scotch - Scotch again.
The lad who finds a lemon when a box of them is spilt
Discovers it's a 'tart'un by the pains below his belt
And if he should be an Irishman he swears he's being 'kilt'
And 'kilts' Scotch - Scotch again.

Chorus:

 
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Performed by G.H. Chirgwin (1854-1922)
Performed by Jessie Preston (1876-1928)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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