AMONG MY KNICK-KNACKS
 
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I am a giddy tourist and photography's my game
Always on the job with my camera
Quite devoted to my art, I can give most folks a start
I'm A.1. at Lloyds with the camera
I sometimes entertain my friends with views I have in stock
But oft some cruel defect in a picture I detect
For instance, in this lovely view I took of London docks
I find a fat old girl engaged in pulling up her socks

Chorus: There you are, picture spoiled!
Not fit to place among my knick-knacks
Every picture that I find
Of a rather tasty kind
I put it in my drawer among my knick-knacks


I've taken shots of every place of note within the land
Always on the job with my camera
Cathedrals, churches, clubs and I'm not averse to pubs
I'm all there you know with the camera
Picture 2, the 'Welsh Harp' down at Hendon, and it's fine
But just across the way, it was someone's washing day
So to let you have a peep I really must decline
For some things I cannot mention now were hanging on the line

Chorus: There you are, picture spoiled!
Not fit to place among my knick-knacks
The things were meant for wear, not for the vulgar stare
I put it in my drawer among my knick-knacks


I've toured throughout the country and I've travelled by the sea
Always on the job with my camera
Of marine views I've a host, taken all along the coast
I'm all there you know with the camera
In picture 3 a lot more than I thought to get I got
For when to the 'proof' I turned, to my horror I discerned
Some male things were disporting in a not far distant spot
You'd like to see it? Oh no, i guess we'll pass that lot

Chorus: There you are, picture spoiled!
Not fit to place among my knick-knacks
Those 'crusoes' on a rock
Gave my camera quite a shock
I put it in my drawer among my knick-knacks


I have in my collection several views of London town
Always on the job with my camera
Of it's buildings grand and tall I have taken nearly all
I'm such a don with the camera
Picture 4 St Paul's by night _ it's equal you won't find
For the moonlight adds a grace to the still deserted place
But there's just one little flaw, thro' a window just behind
Was a sweet domestic picture _ they'd forgot to draw the blind

Chorus: There you are, picture spoiled!
Not fit to place among my knick-knacks
Some folks might think it fine
But 'twas no affair of mine
I put it in my drawer among my knick-knacks


While travelling through the country once some sports I went to see
Always on the job with my camera
There was a ladies cycle race and as they went the pace
I took a shot with the camera
This picture is so natural, just as around the course they sped
A sight to see you'll guess not one in rational dress
When upside down went one poor dear, 'twas just my luck I said
For as I took the snapshot she was standing on her head

Chorus: There you are, picture spoiled!
Not fit to place among my knick-knacks
It made our curate wince
And he hasn't been well since
I put it in my drawer among my knick-knacks


No doubt you all have heard about the new photography
Wonders we can work with the camera
Photograph you through and through is the latest thing we do
So mind how you go with the camera
By this most startling plan our very bones are brought to view
And stranger still to tell, the brains and thoughts as well
One evening at the ballet I was sitting just behind
A Johnny and i took a chance to photograph his mind

Chorus: There you are, picture spoiled!
But not fit to place among my knick-knacks
Oh the pretty thoughts he thunk
Well, they'd petrify a monk
I put it in my drawer among my knick-knacks
 
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Written and composed by Mon Tresor & George Le Brunn - 1896
Performed by Marie Lloyd (1870-1922)
Performed by George Beauchamp (1863-1901)
 
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