THE ARTFUL DODGER
 
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Now gels and boys I hope you're well,
And then yes, I'm the same.
Of course you don't know me not at all,
But 'The Dodger' is my name.
You've read my adwentures writ by 'Bos'
I say, who the Dickens is he?
About a pariah 'prentice lad,
Who vas All-of-a-twist like me.

Chorus: Then fare-ye-vell Vhitechapel boys,
And farevell all my friends,
I'm going away for the good of my 'ealth,
But not at my own expense.


Now all young lads vhat's in this town,
Attend to my lamenting lay.
Don't let your spirits tumble down,
Vhile some few words to you I say.
It's all wery vell vhen you're in luck,
Your pals will stand a cup,
But vhen you're down they 'keep you down'
Because they 'turns you up.'

Chorus:

Vhen Mister Dickens wrote his book,
He drew my character so vell,
It might ha' been my Dog-or-a-type,
For none could the difference tell.
And then there come another cove,
Vhat paints my features in;
I means good Mister Crooked-Shanks,
Vhat never drinks no gin.

Chorus:

I nailed this yaller from a bloke
Just down in Drury Lane;
And this Bandana from a svell,
Vhile svallerin his champagne.
This from a Foreneer I took,
As he valked Leicester Square;
And this 'ere vun came from a cove,
As grand as the Lord Mayor.

Chorus:

And so it is you plainly see,
To be a prig has been my lot,
There's nothink comes amiss to me
Exceptin' 'tis the vile Garotte;
I've used my fingers vhen I'd luck
'Cause I'd the happy knack,
But I never like a coward struck
A man behind his back.

Chorus:

There's one or two more lately,
Wot's taken coves in unawares;
And wot's the difference I'd like to know,
'Tween these 'ere vipes and Railway Shares.
The Crystal Palace cotched it, too,
They had themselves to thank,
But the biggest swindle on 'em all-
Vas the Royal British Bank.

Chorus:

Then farevell, pals, a long farevell,
But vhen I'm gone you must not grieve,
I'll soon be vonce more back again,
'Cause I'll soon vork the Ticket-o'-leave.
But there's vun thought vhere e'er I go,
Vhat vill this buzzum cheer;
Which is, that vhen I comes again,
You'll hail the Dodger here.

Chorus:

 
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Performed by Sam Cowell (1820-1864)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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