THE BALLYMONEY CONVERSAZIONE
 
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If there iver was a place where the people lived in payce,
'Twas the quiet little town of Ballymoney,
Till a person wid a moind of the fashionable koind
Sid we ought to have a Conversazione.
What it was we couldn't guiss, but we all of us sid 'yiss,'
For the person who proposed it came from Cork,
And we were not going to show that, bedad, we didn't know—
If ye ate it wid yer fingers or a fork.
'Twas a notion that bewildhered Ballymoney,
Till a gintleman from Dublin, named Maloney,
Sid it wasn't stuff to ate,
But ye drank it warm, or nate,
Thin we voted for some Conversazione.

In the Infant School 'twas hild; 'twas wid Ballymoney filled,
And the scene was very gay an' animatid.
There was limonade and tea, there was photygraphs to see,
And the place was beautifully decoratid.
There was lumps of rock and shells; there was tunes on fairy bells,
And a phonygraph that made an awful din.
We were getting very dhry, but we hoped that, bye and bye,
They would bring the Conversazione in.
Thin all at once there dawned on Ballymoney
Some pethrifying news that turned it stoney;
And it was an awful shock
Whin about ilivin o'clock,
We were tould we'd had the Conversazione.

Thin the lumps of rock we tuk, an' we all wint out to luk
For the gintleman from Dublin, named Maloney.
We discovered him at last, just as closin' time was past,
An' - we hild another Conversazione.
'Twas a timperance afi'air, an' teetotal people swear
That whin Ballymoney's toight it's purty bad;
But it's their opinion now, that it makes the biggest row
When it's dhry and there's no whisky to be had.
An' it's done a curious thing for Ballymoney:
It has introduced a word that's hoigh and toney:
Whin we're goin' to have a dhrink
We just pass around the wink,
An' it's, 'Will ye take a Conversazione ?'

 
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Written and composed by Charles H. Taylor & Nelson Jackson
Performed by Nelson Jackson (b. 1879)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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