BANDY LEGS
 
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It's something awful they've just got to stop,
I am going to tell mama too,
Because all the kids that live down on our block,
They tease me and make me boo-hoo.
It's something awful to have legs like mine,
Just like a barrel hoop
And have all the kids when they see me come out,
All yell when I come down the stoop,

Chorus: Bandy legs, bandy legs,
Every one's calling me bandy legs,
I'd rather be pigeon-toed, knock-kneed or lame,
The way they are teasing me, why it's a shame,
For it's Bandy legs, Bandy legs,
I'm going to get hunk just the same,
For some day I'll wear big long dresses to there,
And then they can't call me names.

I know a boy who has legs awful thin,
Like mac'roni ma cooks for pa,
I never heard no-one say nuthin' to him,
And then there's another next door,
He's knock-kneed, pigeon-toed, trips when he walks,
His knees wear out his pants,
Does nuthin' but hang 'round the front of our house,
And says to me every chance,

Chorus:

Lots of you people are laughing at me,
You think it's a pile of fun,
You've sat there and guyed me while singing this song,
Ever since I first begun.
But I have a plan that I think will be great,
When I give you a sign,
I dare any woman that's sitting out there,
To prove she has different to mine.

Chorus: Bandy Legs, Bandy Legs,
Long dresses hide lots of Bandy legs,
A lot of you women would have to stick home,
If you woulld ever dress up like Salome;
With your Bandy Legs, Bandy Legs,
And sheath gowns we never should wear,
You may be a peach anywhere but the beach,
For no-one can hide them there.

 
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Written and composed by John B. Lowitz - 1909
Performed by Alice Lloyd (1873-1949)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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