THE BAZAAR MAIDS
 
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I had an invite, not long ago, to a Fancy Dress Bazaar
Where pretty girls, sweet witty girls, at the sale department star
Although we know what they're one and all under Mother Grundy's laws
They heave a sigh a bit, make eyes a bit, all in charity's sweet cause
My pockets full of quids, I made some trifling bids
Till one girl had this kidlet for a merry quidlet for a pair of kids
The next delightful miss politely told me this
'If you desire to tease me, it's a pound to squeeze me, and five for a kiss.'

Chorus: Oh, what a modest lot they were,
All pretty little maidens fair
Simple little Jane and Isabella,
Never threw a wink at any feller
Oh, what a modest lot they were,
All puritans, I do declare
But when they were alone, all upon their own,
Oh, what a difference then.


When I first walked in, one with a laugh said, 'Ah, here is Mr Green.'
What mutterings and flutterings when I came upon the scene
They seemed to know that I in my purse had a lot of L.s.d.
And meant having it, meant having it, in the cause of charity
'Tis wondrful the way the ladies of today
When they're out bazaaring, at the stalls a-starring
Lead young men astray, one interesting pet said, 'Buy a bassinette'
I said I'd like it greatly, but unfortunately I'm not married yet.

Chorus:

These same young maidens who are so prim, when at the Bazaaring biz
Act merrily, aye, verily, when there's no one there to quiz
They throw their heels up high in the air, in the style of gay Paree
And twist legs about, Scotch pegs about, all in cause of charity
Such giddy mice are they, when e'er the cat's away
They love to shake their tootsies, elevate their footsies in the Frenchy way
Should you exception take, and say, 'What a mistake'
They say, 'Now stop your fun, for it is only done for Charity' sweet sake.

Chorus:
 
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Performed by Vesta Tilley (1864-1952)
 
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