THE BEAUTIFUL COLUMBINE
 
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I ne'er shall forget last Christmas time,
Nor yet the eventful night,
When I went to see a pantomime,
And fell deeply in love at first sight.
'Twas not with a beauty who sat in the stalls,
Nor one in the boxes so fine,
But a creature so fair, with luxurious hair,
The fairy-like Columbine.

Chorus: Light as the air she tripped on the stage,
Oh, how I wished her mine,
With love i've often felt in a rage,
For the beautiful Columbine.

She'd come on with a bound and looked so sweet,
Such a charmer she seemed to be.
With her bright smiling eyes and smallest of feet,
I felt it was all up to me.
I wished that I were but the pantaloon,
And oh, how I envied the clown,
But when she danced with Harlequin,
I could have knocked him down.

Spoken - Yes, the confounded fellow goy twisting her about and turning her round like a bottle-jack, I felt I could have rushed onto the stage and have burned him with the clown's hot poker or have changed him into a mangie-gridiron or some other absurd utensil, for...

Chorus:

So each night I went through expensive bouquets,
Split my 'kids' with applauding so loud,
At last sent a billet-doux round to the stage,
In which all sorts of love I had vowed.
That night I dreamt of regions of bliss,
I was there with the one I desire;
We were married by fairies, on roses we slept,
And we lived on love and blue-fire.

Spoken - Yes, I vowed I never would leave her, as some jolly fellow sings, that my intentions were strictly honourable, that I would marry her on the spot, if she liked, at once if not sooner, for...

Chorus:

Well I waited next night, when out she came,
But judge of my great dismay;
The creature I'd fancied both fair and fifteen,
Was forty if she was a day!
She'd a husband who shifted the scenes, also,
She'd children, I think she said nine,
So to smash went my hopes and also my love,
For the beatiful Columbine.

Spoken - Yes, wonderful transformation scene, from the ideal to the real, of course it was a severe shock to my nervous system... but still, I must confess that...

Chorus:
 
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Written and composed by G.W. Hunt
Performed by George Leybourne (1842-1884)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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