BELGIUM PUT THE KIBOSH ON THE KAISER
 
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A silly German sausage
Dreamt Napoleon he'd be,
Then went and broke his promise,
It was made in Germany.
He shook hands with Britannia
And eternal peace he swore,
Naughty boy, he talked of peace
Whilst he prepared for war.

He stirred up little Serbia
To serve his dirty trick
But dirty nights at Liege
Quite upset this Dirty Dick.
His luggage labeled, 'England'
His programme nicely set,
He shouted, 'First stop Paris',
But he hasn't got there yet.

Chorus: For Belgium put the kibosh on the Kaiser;
Europe took a stick and made him sore;
On his throne it hurts to sit,
And when John Bull starts to hit,
He will never sit upon it anymore.
He'll be banished to the woods
And we'll bar his German goods,
And we'll never drink his lager anymore.

His warships sailed upon the sea,
They looked a pretty sight,
But when they heard a bulldog bark
They disappeared in fright
The Kaiser said, 'Be careful!
If by Jellicoe they're seen,
Every man-o-war I've got
Will be a submarine.'

We chased his ships to Turkey
And the Kaiser startled, stood,
Scratched his head and said, 'Don't Hurt,
You see I'm touching wood.'
Then Turkey bought the warships,
Just to aid the German plot.
Be careful, Mister Turkey,
Or you'll do the Turkey Trot.

Chorus: But Belgium put the kibosh on the Kaiser;
Europe took a stick and made him sore;
When we enter Germany,
Knock the Kaiser it will be;
Oh, it won't be 'Hoch the Kaiser anymore!
And if Turkey makes a stand'
She'll get Ghurked and Japanned,
And her views she'll never air 'em anymore!


He'll have to go to school again,
And learn his geography,
He quite forgot Australia,
And the hands across the sea.
India and Canada,
The Russian and the Jap,
And England looked so small'
He couldn't see it on the map.

Whilst Ireland seemed unsettled,
'Ah' said he 'I'll settle John',
But he didn't know the Irish
Like he knew them later on.
Tho' the Kaiser stirred the lion,
Please excuse him from the crime,
His lunatic attendant
wasn't with him at the time.

Chorus: When Belgium put the kibosh on the Kaiser;
Europe took a stick and made him sore;
And in Berlin one day,
Every German band will play,
Rule Britannia, rule the waves for ever more!
We shall shout for vict'ry's joy;
'Hold Your Hand Out, Naughty Boy;'
You must never play at soldiers, anymore!

 
PDF Sheet Music
 
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Written and composed by Alf Ellerton - 1914
Performed by Mark Sheridan (1867-1918)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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