BINK'S WIFE
(Leave It To Me)
 
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Binks was a merchant, a well to do chappie
Had nearly everything pleasant in life
Only one trouble could make him unhappy
He was possessed of a deaf and dumb wife
Round to a specialist one day he took her
Caught him before he went out on his rounds
And said to that gentleman, 'If you will cure her
I'll pay you cheerfully five hundred pounds.'

Chorus: 'Please leave her to me, I'll cure her,' said he
'She's a woman wants humouring
To make her talk is an easy thing
I'll loosen her tongue and it won't cause any pain
Though dumb from her birth, I'll bet all I'm worth
She'll ne'er be afflicted again.'


Binks left her there and went back to the city
Had to leave home till the end of the week
When he returned to his villa so pretty
He was delighted to find she could speak
Night after night she would talk to her hubby
And they were as happy as two little birds
But later on - I suspect very strongly
Somehow he'd think of the specialist's words

Chorus: 'Please leave her to me, I'll cure her,' said he
'She's a woman wants humouring
To make her talk is an easy thing
I'll loosen her tongue and it won't cause any pain
Though dumb from her birth, I'll bet all I'm worth
She'll ne'er be afflicted again.'


After a while, as her practice grew stronger
She'd talk for hours - without drawing a breath
One fatal day - he could bear it no longer
Binks was afraid she would talk him to death
'Doctor,' said he, 'For a paltry five hundred
You made her talk once in less than an hour
Now make her dumb and I'll give you a million
'Sir, ' said the Doctor, 'That's out of my power.'

Chorus: 'Don't leave her to me, I cured her,' (said he)
'She's a woman wants humouring
To make her talk was an easy thing
I loosened her tongue - and it didn't cause any pain
Though dumb from her birth, there's no power on earth
Can make her keep silent again.'
 
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Performed by Millie Lindon (b. 1877)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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