A BOVINE BARCAROLLE
 
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There was rain and fog and lightning, all the roads began to freeze
The night when the old cow died
There was snow and bridge and billiards, there was ham and Stilton cheese
On the night when the old cow died
The song-birds in the orange groves all started singing flat
The felines on the garden wall were silent to a cat
And Mr Balfour 'holed' in one and burst his largest hat
The night when the old cow died.

Refrain: Poor old cow! Where are you now?
Does the Kaiser send you telegrams? Poor old cow.


The hour of midnight struck on all the public clocks
The night when the old cow died
And the suffragettes decided to go home and mend their socks
The night when the old cow died
The ladies of the Chorus: said their legs were not for show
The Radicals admitted that Free Trade would have to go
And Winston Churchill owned there might be things he didn't know
The night when the old cow died.

Refrain: Poor old cow! Where are you now?
Does Carnegie give you libraries? Poor old cow.


A chance of an advertisement was missed by Bernard Shaw
The night when the old cow died
And a comic song was sung that had no hint of ma-in-law
The night when the old cow died
A lady at the Gaiety refused to wed a peer
The bobbies all declined to touch cold rabbit pie and beer
And poor George Alexander's tie worked round behind his ear
The night when the old cow died.

Refrain: Poor old cow! Where are you now?
Does Mrs Pankhurst cook your meals? Poor old cow.


The Daily Mail refused a wire it fancied might be false
The night when the old cow died.
And they murdered for the last, last time, the 'Merry Widow' Waltz
The night when the old cow died.
The 'Sporting Times' on paer of a bluish tint appeared
The Navy League announced that no invasion need be feared
And Lewis Waller (tired of life) began to grow a beard
The night when the old cow died.

Refrain: Poor old cow! Where are you now?
Are you running still like 'Charley's Aunt'? Poor old cow.

The nursery maids refused to meet the soldiers in the Park
The night when the old cow died.
And a motorist was fined for driving slowly in the dark
The night when the old cow died.
The government made Granville Barker Licenser of plays
A millionaire discovered that it's honesty that pays
And Mister Lloyd George taxed the hats they wear at matinees
The night when the old cow died.

Refrain: Poor old cow! Where are you now?
Are you listening to me singing this? Poor old cow.
 
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Written and composed by Leslie Wood & Harold Montague - 1908
Performed by 'The Vagabonds'
 
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