THE CANDID MAN
 
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Now many people say that us Cockneys 'as a way
Of sayin' just exactly what we finks,
We don't make not no fuss for, to tell the truth, to us
Is nat'ral, just like, well, shifting drinks.
Some likes a 'onest man who not only will, but can
Say wot 'e means and say it plain and plump,
But I've a pal that bluff, why to talk to 'im's enough
To make a bloomin' angel git the 'ump.

Refrain: It's very nice to find a pal as speaks 'is mind
I don't like a bloke wot's under'anded,
But Brown don't care a jot if it sounds perlite or not
I do wish 'e wouldn't be so candid.

I now an' then 'ave 'ad indigestion very bad
I ain't a glutton, so it only shows,
That fortune can be crool, 'cos I cops it eatin' grool
Then scarlet ain't the word for my poor nose.
I owes Bill Brown a grudge, 'cos I'm sober as a judge
There ain't a cove as ever see me screwed,
But Bill don't stop to fink, 'e just says as 'ow it's drink
An' makes remarks I fink are very rude.

Refrain: It's very nice to find a pal as speaks 'is mind
I don't like a bloke wot's under'anded,
But when 'e says yer nose is like a red red rose,
I did wish 'e wouldn't be so candid.

I'm seldom ever flush 'cos I ain't a bloke to rush
I never makes a promise I can't keep,
Last June, or there about, I just took my donah out
An' 'ad, of course, to do it on the cheap.
Well, she's a decent sort, and a-knowin' I was short
She didn't mind me cuttin' ex's down,
I blewed the blessed lot, ev'ry stiver as I'd got
An' then as luck would 'ave it, we met Brown.

Refrain: It's very nice to find a pal as speaks 'is mind
I don't like a bloke wot's under'anded,
But when 'e says, 'Old Pal, I ain't seen you treat the gal.'
I did wish 'e wouldn't be so candid.

 
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Written and composed by Albert Chevalier & Edward Jones - 1893
Performed by Albert Chevalier (1861-1923)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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