THE CAPTAIN CALLED THE MATE
 
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Miss Spriggings a maiden of forty years old
Not once in her life had been kissed
Except by her cats and her dogs I've been told
So the beauty of life she had missed
And oh, how she yearned for the love of a man
Tho' everyone turned her away
Till one day she hit on a capital plan
And put it in force on that day
'All sailors are jolly young fellows,' says she
'I'll go for a voyage I've a notion
I may get a sweetheart out on the sea
For ladies are scarce on the ocean.'
The good ship had hardly got under it's weigh
To the Captain she then sidled near
He looked much surprised at what she had to say
For she whispered some words in his ear.

Chorus: The captain called the Mate, and the Mate said, 'Oh
I'll go and ask the steward,' so he went below
The steward called his servant, and the boy said, 'No.'
So she had to go without it after all.


From the captain Miss Spriggings came on to the deck
And there she saw old Parson Green
His symbol of purity hung round his neck
So spotless, so pure, and so clean
She flopped up to him in a pose of despair
A most meaning look in her eyes
The answer she got was a most vacant stare
And an eloquent look of surprise
'The passengers treat me unkindly,' said she,
But in spite of my several failures
Before the good vessel is further at sea,
I'll go round and ask all the sailors.'
A jolly old sailor just then she espied
And up to him quick she had gone
He laughs as he pushes his quid to one side
Said he would but he hadn't got one.

Chorus:

The vessel arrives at Australia's shore
A husband she's landed at last
They marry and happily live evermore
But my story has ended too fast
So in the few lines of the song that remain
There's one thing a duty to you
I think it but right that I now should explain
What 'tis I've neglected to do
To tell you the words that she whispered that day
When first in her head came the notion
That she'd sail away to Australia
A husband to find on the ocean
It's time that those whispered words now were unmasked
To drive away thoughts full of sin
It was not for a husband the Captain she asked
It was for the loan of a pin.

Chorus:
 
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Written & performed by Arthur West (1864-1894) - 1888
 
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