THE CENTENARIAN
 
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I'm a hundred years old! I'm a hundred years old!
And I don't look a day more than ninety, I'm told,
For my sight is not gone, I see all that goes on,
And I do not approve of a lot I behold.
When I was a lad I respected my dad,
Times have changed for the worse, it is needless to add,
For the children today, tho' they're wrinkled and grey,
Are all going just as fast as they can to the bad!

Refrain: I'm a hundred years old, I'm a hundred years old,
And I can't get my children to do as they're told.
I've a scamp of a son, just turned seventy one,
Will disobey! Will have his own way!
Yes! and laughs at his dad, who's a hundred years old.

I inspired him with fear, 'til his sixty third year,
When I fancied I noticed a kind of a sneer,
I was doubtful at first but I soon knew the worse,
For he made his intentions uncommonly clear.
I was rather amused 'til one day he refused
To be guided by me in some trifling affair.
If he'd whispered, 'I can't!' but he shouted, 'I shan't!'
When I said I was shocked, he said, he didn't care!

Refrain: I'm a hundred years old, I'm a hundred years old,
And I can't get this rascal to do as he's told.
There are parents, I know, who'd say, 'Let the lad go,
Why should you fret and be so upset?'
But I'm one in a hundred, a hundred years old!

It's a curious thing but he will have his fling,
Says, he no longer means to come under my wing,
Ah! it may be a fad, still it's none the less sad,
And I don't think it's due to example he's had.
For his brother's a dear, he'll be eighty next year;
But this youngster won't even let him interfer!
It's distressing to see, I cannot think where he
Gets his horrid pig-headedness, 'tisn't from me!

Refrain: It's his mother I s'pose; for the older he grows,
The more risk of a row if you tread on her toes!
She's a hundred and three and between you and me,
Will disobey! Will have her own way!
Calls me 'baby' although, I'm a hundred years old!

 
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Written and composed by Albert Chevalier & Alfred H. West - 1900
Performed by Albert Chevalier (1861-1923)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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