CO-OPERATION
 
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Amongst the greatest humbugs, this Co-operative craze,
Has lately been exhibited in funny sorts of ways,
M.P.s and army officers and Civil Service nobs,
Announce they'll take in washing and do all our dirty jobs.
You buy a five-bob ticket for the privilage to pay,
Just twice as much as if you bought things in the usual way,
You find you've put your foot in it, stuck like a bird in lime,
And then you prove 'Co-operation is the thief of time'.

Chorus: Co-op, Co-op,Co-op, Co-op, Co-operation craze,
Go up, go up, go up, go up, the prices still they rise;
They 'cop', they 'cop'. the coppers, they 'cop' they 'cop' in various ways;
They open a shop and they 'cop', 'cop', 'cop', Co-operation craze.

They sell Co-operative hats, Co-operative suits,
Co-operative groceries, Co-operative boots,
Co-operative false teeth and glass eyes they've also got,
Co-operative pickles and you'll find them very hot;
Co-operative blacking and Co-operative soap,
Directors do such dirty work, they use it, let us hope,
Co-operative wives they mean to get you in a trice,
Co-operative families supplied at wholesale price.

Chorus:

They've got Co-operative cloth, Co-operative silk,
Co-operative cows to give Co-operative milk.
Co-operative parasols and also wooden legs,
Co-operative hens to lay Co-operative eggs;
Co-operative raisins and Co-operative figs,
Co-operative sausages, Co-operative pigs,
Co-operative beer and sherry, champagne, port in bins,
Co-operative everything, from anchors down to pins.

Chorus:

Co-operation is supposed to cure all human ills,
When sick, they mean to dose you with Co-operative pills.
And if their 'cheap and nasty' drug, you take and chance to die,
Co-operative funerals they're happy to supply;
Co-operative hearses and Co-operative mutes,
Co-operative coffins, graves and everything that suits;
And if Co-operation in this world your soul has vexed,
They'll give you five-bob tickets for a journey to the next.

Chorus:

With honest competition, which is still the soul of trade,
Of this 'Co-operation Craze' no tradesman is afraid;
Although it's hard on shopkeepers, who rates and taxes pay,
To have their Civil Servants act in this uncivil way;
If they have got no work to do and want to open shop,
And run down striving tradesmen, why, their salaries we'll stop;
The public then will find the system swindling and unjust,
And all the big Co-operative bubbles soon will bust.

Chorus:

 
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Written and composed by J.F. McArdle & Alfred Lee
Performed by Arthur Roberts (1852-1933)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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