THE COAT 'URTS ME UNDERNEATH THE ARM
 
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A week ago from now I was a 'appy man, d'yer see
With my jacket and a cap on, like a coster bloke should be
But though i keeps my guernsey and he same old pair of 'cords'
I'm a cross between Guy Faux and the bloomin' House of Lords
There's a aunt of mine wiv 'ouses and a pile of L.S.D
And when she 'kicks the bucket' all 'er money comes to me
And so I 'as to 'umour 'er because it's worth my while
And go out selling 'taters' in a frockcoat and a 'tile'.

Chorus: But the coat 'urts me underneath the arm
And the 'at seems a mile too 'igh
When I venture out, all the nippers shout
'Holler,boys, here's another guy.'
But my rich old aunt bought the togs for me
And it wouldn't do to upset 'er
So I must keep my cool, though I looks a fool
Or bang goes a 'undred quid a year.


My temper at the best of times you wouldn't call it sweet
And I don't like being laughed at by every grinning fool I meet
There's one cove died a'laughing, 'twas an undertakers job
And I'm very glad to 'ear it, though he'd touched me for a bob
My Auntie says His Majesty is often dressed like this
But if he had a job like mine he wouldn't think it bliss
To stand with fourteen pounds of coal upon somebody's mat
With all the kiddies shouting out, 'Hi! who's pinched Kruger's hat?'

Chorus:

I don't suppose the 'at will last, it will soon be a wreck
Two people missed it with a brick and caught me on the neck
The donkey almost choked itself as near as it could be
'E got the coat-tails down 'is throat and nearly tasted me
There's most insulting customers I meet with every day
They comes to me with orders in a nice sarcastic way
It's, Will the noble marquis, kindly weigh a pound of beans
Or, 'ask 'is grace, the scarecrow, if he's got a bunch of greens.

Chorus:
 
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Written by Walter Hastings & Edgar Bateman. Music by Albert Perry - 1901
Performed by Alex Hurley (1871-1913)
 
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