THE COCKNEY SPORTSMAN
 
div
 

When Billy Brown bought his estate - a couple o' thousand pounds
He wrote up, and invited me to go shooting in his grounds
I'd never 'andled guns before, and didn't know 'ow to shoot
Excepting it was 'shoot the moon' at which I'm rather cute
But anyhow I hired a gun, and bought a suit o' these
And wiv the shooting party I tried 'ard to look at ease.
Some one says, 'There's some partridges, they're just about to rise.'
Bill says, 'Mind you shoot some-fing Sam,' So then I shuts both eyes.

Chorus: And first shot I took at a bird, I blew off the keeper's ear
Billy Brown, bending down, he got one in the rear
If that is what you call shooting, spoiling people's shapes
I'd rather be shooting at skittles - down at the Fox and Grapes.

The keeper stood and said his prayers, while Billy he danced about
Then I told him I'd pay to have all the shots took out
And yet, he wasn't satisfied - he called me a foolish elf
And says, 'Next time you fire that gun, you point it yourself.'
At last I fired up in the air, at birds all in a bunch
And made the blessed rain come on, and spoil the bally lunch
But still I thought, 'I won't be done - I'll shoot something, I vow
So I fired at a rabbit, and I shot a blooming cow.

Chorus:

The keeper says that damages he's going to sue me for
Why can't 'e 'ave a putty ear? But he wants to go to law
The farmer wants another cow - so he's suing me as well
And Billy Brown he wants a new - I ain't a going to tell
You see that wet - you see that dry? I'd like to swear, I should
If this here gun was only mine, I'd raffle it, I would
Can't even take the missis 'ome the birds I shot, you know
'Cos why? the blessed poult'rer's shop shut up an hour ago.

Chorus:

 
div
 
Written and composed by J. P. Harrington & George Le Brunn - 1901
Performed by Alec Hurley (1871-1913)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
div
 
 
home spaceA spaceB spaceC spaceD spaceE spaceF spaceG spaceH spaceI spaceJ spaceK spaceL spaceM spaceN spaceO spaceP spaceQ spaceR spaceS spaceT spaceU spaceV spaceW spaceX spaceY spaceZ