THE COCKNEY'S TRAVELS
 
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To get away from London lots of people never try
They're satisfied with 'Endon or a trip to Peckam Rye
'An some will go to 'Ampstead if they want to 'ave a spree
Or talk like Captain Nansen if they get to Battersea
I feels a sort 'o pity when I see 'em make a start
To a place like Eppin' Forest just like 'errings in a cart
But if I went along with 'em I'd choke for want of air
So I takes a trip to Scotland - well, as far as Euston Square!

Chorus: I rides upon the underground as far as Euston Square
An' tho' I don't see Glasgow or the Tay
Still it does me good to know that's the road you'd 'ave to go
An' I've been a little distance on the way.


I 'aven't patience with a man wot 'Ampton Court explores
An' makes as much of Regent's Park as if it was the moors
An' boatin' on the Serpentine may be a treat to some
But if I wants a puddle I can find 'em nearer 'ome
An' as for draggin' little kids to places sich as Kew
Well, flower-pots is plentiful and window boxes too
I chuckles when I sees 'em start, an' then I does a 'edge
An' gets right out to Brighton - well, as far as London Bridge.

Chorus: I rides inside a omnibus as far as London Bridge
An' I 'angs about the platform all the day
Though I cannot smell the brine which is further down the line
Still I've been a little distance on the way.


The folks wot never get about unless it's close to 'and
Will tell you 'Ighgate's beautiful and Barnet Fair is grand
I often tells'em with a sneer indoors I'd sooner stay
An' empty out the matresses an' kid myself it's 'ay
The Couty Council gravel pit they call the vale of 'Ealth
With some cinders on the 'earth-rug I could make one for myself
An' Primrose 'ill's a pimple, so, if climbs I wants to do
I 'ooks it off to 'Ampshire - well, as far as Waterloo.

Chorus: I 'as a penn'orth in a tram as far as Waterloo
Where the train it goes to Portsmouth, so they say
Though the place I doesn't see, you must one an' all agree
That I've been a little distance on the way.


I see 'em fishin' in the Lea an' always get the spike
For ten to one their only catch will be a drownded tyke
An' some will go for blackberries across by Kensal Green
There's burying up there I know, but not the sort they mean
An' when the racing comes along they think it grand to go
To Epsom or to Kempton - round the 'ouses like, you know
But I must go to Cambridgeshire whene'er I back a 'orse
An' often goes to Newmarket - as far as, well, Kings Cross.

Chorus: I tramps it to St Pancras, which is just against the 'Cross'
An' I watch the racing 'specials' an' I say
'This ain't Newmarket 'Eath, to the best of my belief
But I've been a little distance on the way.
 
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Written and composed by Edgar Bateman & George Le Brunn - 1896
Performed by Alec Hurley (1871-1913)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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