COME AND HAVE A LOOK AT WHAT I'VE GOT
 
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I once went to a country fair,
The fattest girl on earth was there
She was ninety-seven inches wide,
And we all rushed in when the showman cried,

Chorus: 'Come and have a look, come and have a look
Come and have a look at what I've got.'
I ran up to the fat girl show
But my wife shouted out, 'Hi, whoa
To see fat girls you needn't roam
Save your pennies till you get home
Come and have a look at what I've got.'

Two little gutter-snipes one day
Were building castles out of clay
'Mine's Windsor castle,' one kid cried
The other yelled back with honest pride,

Chorus: 'Come and have a look, come and have a look
Come and have a look at what I've got.'
With lots of mud and dirty old clay
I've built the House of Lords, hooray
And for making the Lords I've got the stuff
But I'm trying to get it soft enough
Come and have a look at what I've got.'

Now, with our cam'ras, Brown and me
Went snap-shotting by the sea
'Here's a fine girl.' old Brown cried
As he held up a photo, but I replied,

Chorus: 'Come and have a look, come and have a look
Come and have a look at what I've got.
Your photo isn't showing quite enough
Of the ladies beauty, mine's hot stuff.'
But forget his rage I never shall
When I shouted out, 'Why it's your old gal.
Come and have a look at what I've got.'

While volunteering like a dunce
I ran behind the targets once
The Sergeant fired and yelled with joy
'I've got a bull.' I said, 'Old boy,

Chorus: 'Come and have a look, come and have a look
Come and have a look at what I've got.'
You've got a bulls eye very first shot
I've got a puncture where I squat
For oh, your bulls eye you will find
Is the little white patch I've got behind
Come and have a look at what I've got.'

One Christams Eve just for a joke
I went out with a burglar bloke
We broke into a girl's bedroom
And he murmured in the wintry gloom,

Chorus: 'Come and have a look, come and have a look
Come and have a look at what I've got.'
Said he, 'I've a stocking filled with toys.'
Said I, 'alright, don't make a noise
I've got a stocking too, ' I cried
'But there's a piece of the girl inside
Come and have a look at what I've got.'

 
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Written and composed by Billy Williams & Fred Godfrey - 1911
Performed by Billy Williams (1877-1915)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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