THE COMPANY PROMOTER
 
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I am a brilliant company promoter
And a floater of Societies of every description
I am a most imaginative dreamer, and a schemer
In swindles more remakable than fiction
I issue bold prospectuses so glowing, all a shewing
Such fabulous returns on all my ventures
And thinking that my companies all 'honey', then the money
Comes in thousands for the shares and the debentuires.

Chorus: Ring-a-ching, hear the 'oof' bird sing
As a company promoter I am living like a king
Though every mine is all moonshine' from diamonds to tin
Still the money, money, money comes a-rolling in.


I take a suite of offices so splendid, and attended
By innumerable clerks and other minions
The shareholders I drain of ev'ry shilling, while they're willing
To adopt all my proposals and opinions
And then I call a statutory meeting, and I'm greeting
All the victims with a smile and adulation
Then the capital insisting on increasing - I'm a-fleecing
Them of millions at the lowest computation.

Chorus:

In support of all my projects enterprising - advertising
Is a system I habitually follow
The profits are of course exagerated, and inflated
It's the 'sugar' on the pill they always swallow
While some pillars of the press, they share the plunder, it's a wonder
They abuse me in a manner very solemn
Though ostensibly they keep me at a distance, their assistance
They supply it at a special rate 'per column'

Chorus:

When I start some little syndicates fanatical, theatrical
For a 'ballet' or a moral panorama
I am simply inundated with the guineas of the 'ninnies'
Who aspire to the pulpit or the drama
I have companies for every invention you can mention
My ability so generally known is
For 'booming' all mechanical appliances, of sciences
From flying ships to naturalised polonies.

Chorus:

When the shares advance in value that's fictitious, expeditious
Is my method then of all my own disposing
And the whole concern I quickly am foresaking, after making
A fortune while the 'noodles' have been dozing
Then very soon the company's in trouble, and the bubble
Is demolished, while the victims curse and parley
When they all encounter ruin, tribulation, liquidation
The money's mine - and that's the grand finale.

Chorus:
 
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Performed by Charles Collette (1842-1924)
 
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