THE CORK LEG
 
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A tale I'll tell you without any flam,
In Holland there dwelt Mynheer Von Clam
Who every morning said, 'I am
The richest merchant in Rotterdam.'
Ri too ral loo ral loo ral loo ral ri too roo ral la.

One day he'd stuffed as full as an egg
When a poor relation came to beg
But he kicked him out without broaching a keg
And in kicking him out he broke his own leg
Ri too ral loo ral loo ral loo ral ri too roo ral la.

A surgeon, the first in his vocation
Came and made a long oration
He wanted a limb for anatomization
So he finished the job by amputation
Ri too ral loo ral loo ral loo ral ri too roo ral la.

Said Mynheer, when he had done his work
'By your knife I lose one fork
But upon crutches I'll never stalk
For I'll have a beautiful leg of cork.'
Ri too ral loo ral loo ral loo ral ri too roo ral la.

An artist in Rotterdam, 'twould seem
Had made cork legs his study and theme
Each joint was as strong as an iron beam
The works a compound of clockwork and steam
Ri too ral loo ral loo ral loo ral ri too roo ral la.

The leg was made and fitted right
Inspection the artist did invite
The fine shape gave Mynheer delight
And he fixed it on and screwed it tight
Ri too ral loo ral loo ral loo ral ri too roo ral la.

He walked through squares and past each shop
Of speed he went at the very top
Each step he took with a bound and a hop
Till he found his leg he couldn't stop
Ri too ral loo ral loo ral loo ral ri too roo ral la.

Horror and fright were in his face
The neighbours thought he was running a race
He clung to a post to stay his pace
But the leg remorselessly kept up the pace
Ri too ral loo ral loo ral loo ral ri too roo ral la.

He called to some men with all his might
'Oh stop me, or I'm murdered quite.'
But though they heard him aid invite
He, in less than a minute was out of sight
Ri too ral loo ral loo ral loo ral ri too roo ral la.

He ran o'er hill, and dale, and plain
To ease his weary bones he fain
Did throw himself down but all in vain
The leg got up, and was off again
Ri too ral loo ral loo ral loo ral ri too roo ral la.

He walked for days and nights a score
Of Europe he had made a tour
He died, but though he was no more
The leg walked on the same as before
Ri too ral loo ral loo ral loo ral ri too roo ral la.

In Holland sometimes he comes in sight
A skeleton on a cork leg tight
No cash did the artist's skill requite
He never was paid and it served him right
Ri too ral loo ral loo ral loo ral ri too roo ral la.

My tale I've told both plain and free
Of the richest merchant that could be
Who never was buried, though dead , ye see
And I've been singing his L.E.G. (elegy)
Ri too ral loo ral loo ral loo ral ri too roo ral la.
 
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Performed by Sam Cowell (1820-1864)
 
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