THE COSTER'S MANSION
 
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I've oft 'eard abaht the lovely mansions
Wot yer sees when up the West End way
I've 'eard, wot wiv improvements and expansions
They've a fresh and brand-new room for ev'ry day
Well, I've a pretty mansion in the New Cut
It's a place built in the werry latest line
We've a room for ev'ry feed,
And a score we doesn't need
It's a knock-aht, is this domicile o' mine.

Chorus: If yer wants ter see me dining-room
Or step into me parlour
Or me orfice where I contracts all my biz
If yer wants ter see me bedroom
Or the place we calls the larder
Why, you've only got to stay just where you is.

The missis 'as a bood-war for retiring
And of evenings, when my daily graft is done
I've a study, so what more are we requiring
And yut our private rooms are boaf as one
The moke 'e gets 'is grub up in a corner
I shoves the barrer underneaf the bed
At the mansion, plain to you,
We've a stable, coach-'ouse too
And the size of it's enough to turn your 'ead.

Chorus: If yer wants to view the kitchen
Where we cooks the eels and kippers
Or where I counts the proceeds o' my biz
Or peep into the barf-room,
While the missis baves the nippers
Why, you've only got to stop just where you is.

Like the nobs, I've got an 'eap of pictures
Well - any kind o' subject as you'd choose
They ain't exactly class, their sorts o' mixtures
As I've taken from the 'Lustrated News'
And I've a lovely place for ducks and chickens
In one corner such a lovely plot of grass
I walks round it in the dark
Then I finks I'm in Hyde Park
Which makes me fancy I'm kind of class.

Chorus: If yer steps into my entrance 'all
An' wants ter send yer card in
To tell me what's yer name, and what's yer biz
If yer wants ter see my duck-pond
Or ter walk arahnd me garden
Why, you've only got to stop just where you is.

 
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Written and composed by W. Fieldhouse & George Le Brunn - 1899
Performed by Gus Elen (1862-1940)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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