THE COSTER'S 'ONEYMOON
 
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I've just got wed, am 'most orf my 'ead,
Wif thoughts of this arternoon,
For oh, I feel as happy as a chap can be.
We decks the cart, 'til it looks quite smart,
An. starts on our 'oneymoon,
To 'Amptin Court a very foine place for to see.
I've got a wife an' yer bet yer life,
That she don't give me short weight;
She's six-feet-two, that's wifout no shoe,
An' she's twenty-one stone eight.
I sees the moke, who was quite 'eart-broke,
'Eave a sigh of hagonee.
A.' 'e give a snort at the very thought,
Of a dwawin' 'er an' me,
Bofe on that there cart.

Chorus: Wen we're trottin' 'im along, come along, come along,
Wen we're trottin' 'im along, come along, hi! hi!
Wen we're trottin' 'im along, come along, come along
Wen we're trottin' 'im along, come along, hi! hi!
Hi! Hi! Hi! we're out for all the arternoon,
For we was a-spendin' of our 'oneymoon.

Now, when we two, crossed the bridge at Kew,
She finks she would like a boat,
For don't you see we was spendin' of our 'oneymoon.
I sez, 'All right, if it's strong and tight
And wif yer it can float
To 'Amptin Court a-rowin' we get there soon.'
We 'ires a boat, then she takes my coat,
And a squats down in the stern,
She sez, 'You row.' so I 'as a go,
It's never to late to learn.
I makes a smash an' the boat's sides smash
Wen I begin to pull.
My feet feels cool when she says, 'You fool!,
Why the bloomin' boat is full.'
And we both shouts out.

Chorus: We're sinkin' in the sea, come along, come along,
We're sinkin' in the sea, come along, hi! hi!
We're sinkin' in the sea, come along, come along,
We're sinkin' in the sea, come along, hi! hi!
Hi! Hi! Hi! we're out for all the arternoon,
Fancy that wen spendin' of yer 'oneymoon.

She swims about like a sammin' trout,
But I thought that I would drown,
Just fancy that, wen spendin' of your 'oneymoon,
I strides the boat, for that did float,
Though it was upside-down.
An' there we was a-spendin' of our 'oneymoon.
They 'ears us shout an' they 'auls us out,
An' we looks a werry 'appy pair;
For we was wet you may safely bet,
An' the Dutch begins to swear.
No clothes would do what they 'ad at Kew,
She was such a' awful size,
So she's in bed mighty sorry she's wed,
While 'er fings, wot's spoilt, they dries.
An' when she is dry,

Chorus: We'll be galloping along, come along, come along,
We'll be galloping along, come along, hi! hi!
We'll be galloping along, come along, come along,
We'll be galloping along, come along, hi! hi!
Hi! Hi! Hi! we're out for all the arternoon,
Ain't it nice a-spendin' of yer 'oneymoon.
 
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Written and composed by Robert Ganthony & Bond Andrews
Performed by Albert Chevalier (1861-1923)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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