A COW AND THREE ACRES
 
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I'm only just a labourer,
Just Agricultural;
Some time ago I happened to
Be talking to a pal:
Says I, I've got a vote!
Says he, 'Do what I tell thee now,
Let Liberals have it and you'll get,
Three acres and a cow.'

Chorus: And I've got three acres,
Three acres and a cow;
And now I've got it, I don't know,
What I'll do wi' it now:
The blooming cow it worries me,
And leads me such a rig;
I wish that they would take it back,
And let me have a pig.

And when the cow comed home,my wife
She says to me, 'Why Joe,
We've got no place to put her in,
Where be the cow to go?'
'By gum,' says I to her,
'I never thought o' this somehow,
So in our bedroom, we have been
Obliged to keep the cow.

Chorus:

I've got three acres, true enough.
But a year more come to pass;
Before upon those acres,
There will grow a blade grass:
And though it be a Liberal cow,
As Liberal as Charles Dilke;
I'm blowed if it will yield us even,
Half a pint o'milk.

Chorus:

I've seen a few cows in my time,
But this cow, cows the lot;
If she tries her tricks on any more,
I'll let her have it hot:
If I'd not been in such a hurry,
Wi' my vote to part,
From t'other side, perhaps I might,
Have got a horse and cart.

Chorus:

 
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Written, composed & sung by Arthur Lloyd (1840-1904) - 1880
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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