CUSSEDNESS
 
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Now I'm sure we all have noticed as we sail life's ocean o'er
There's an adverse wind a-blowing in our teeth
For instance, if you drop your bread and butter on the floor
The 'buttery' side falls always underneath
Then again it's quite apparent in the raffles at bazaars
When the guinea dips are sold by Lady Moll
The prim and proper spinster wins a box of strong cigars
While the man wins baby linen or a doll.
Oh, it's cussedness - simply cussedness
They expected something of a different kind
But the prizes they were eyeing
They could win, no more than flying
Yet some people talk of fate as being blind.

Now when you're expecting callers, for a hint you may have had
You get dressed and ready waiting for the call
But though your muffins turn to leather, and your shrimps go strong and bad
Yet not a single person comes at all
But when you are spring cleaning with the rooms all stripped and bare
And you're just about as grubby as can be
With your face all over bees-wax, and curl papers in your hair
That's the very day the vicar comes to tea.
Oh, it's cussedness - simpy cussedness
And to throw a brrom at him you feel inclned
For the rooms are one great muddle
Each floor is like a puddle
Oh! it's rot to talk of Fate as being blind.

Now a girl is full of cussedness, of course that's understood
For if a doctor says she's weak and almost dead
She never will eat chops and steaks or things to do her good
But feeds on pork and pastry stuff instead
If her parents make a match for her with one of high estate
So that carriages and servants she can keep
Of course she hates the fellow and she quickly tells him straight
Then she runs off with a coachman or a sweep
Well, that's cussedness - just cussedness
Which has quite upset the balance of her mind
While champagne she might be sipping
She's content with bread and dripping
Ain't it rot to talk of Fate as being blind.

 
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Written by Charles J. Winter & Ernest W Hastings - 1908
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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