I'm going to sing a song about a topic we admire
About the different girlie-girls,
With flashing eyes and flowing curls
To describe their funny ways is all that I desire
I'll tell you of the girls I've met.
They're quite a mixed up lot, you bet.

There's the horsey girl, the saucy girl,
The drag-you-in-divorcey girl
The dainty girl, the fainty girl,
The puff-and-powder-painty girl
The tricky girl, the dicky girl,
The lift-my-leg-and-kicky girl
The jolly girl, the folly girl,
The made-up-like-a-dolly girl
The dancing girl, the prancing girl,
The rougish-little-glancing girl
The flashy girl, the cashy girl,
The looking-for-a-mashy girl
The busy girl, the quizzy girl,
The oh-sir-I feel-dizzy girl
The spouting girl, the shouting girl,
The pigeon-breasted pouting girl.

There's the sighing girl, the crying girl,
The dont-I-think-I'm-dying girl
The flirty girl, the dirty girl,
Don't-squeeze-me-because-you-hurty girl
The pretty girl, the witty girl,
The something-in-the-city girl
The ready girl, the steady girl,
The novelette-in-beddy girl
The dotty girl, the potty girl,
The good old London Totty girl
The silly girl, the chilly girl,
The Piccadilly-filly girl
The spicey girl, the nicey girl,
The make-you-pay-the-pricey girl
The moony girl, the spooney girl,
The Sunday-afternoony girl.

There's the treat me girl, the meet-me girl,
The love-me-long-and-eat-me girl
The larky girl, the darkie girl,
The benches-in-the-parky girl
The dodger girl, the codger girl,
The special young-man-lodger girl
The locket girl, the rocket girl,
The like-to-pick-your-pocket girl
The spangle girl, the mangle girl,
The kiss-you-till-you-strangle girl
The happy girl, the snappy girl,
The sit-upon-your-lappy girl
The honey girl, the funny girl,
The dot-and-carry-one-y girl
The weeping girl, the peeping girl,
Salvation Army creeping girl.

There's the roister girl, the moister girl,
The gobble-up-the-oyster girl
The hasty girl, the tasty girl,
The put-it-round-my-waisty girl
The fickle girl, the pickle girl,
The Charlie-don't-you-tickle girl
The lazy girl, half crazy girl,
The oh-I've bust-my stays-y girl
The race-me girl, embrace me girl,
I've sixpence-come-and-chase-me girl
The briny girl, the winey girl,
The smell-of-turpentiney girl
The wirey girl, the fiery girl,
The puncture-in-the-tyre-y girl
There's thousands more, you'll all agree
And I think that you will say with me...

All the girls are the cause of our misery and cares
If it wasn't for the ladies, we'd all be millionaires
Although they're a nuisance, they're precious as pearls
Be they ever so humble, there's nothing like girls
Girls, girls, girlie-girls
Just share this (throws kiss) amongst you
I do love all the girls.

Performed by Charles Bignell (1866-1935)
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