THE DISPENSARY DOCTOR
 
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Now as all my relations I chanced to annoy
They thought someone else I had better destroy
So they started me off and they made Tim Molloy
What is called a dispensary Doctor
I changed and I mended each patient that came
I shifted his features and altered his frame
Not a man in the parish was ever the same
If he'd only been cured by the Doctor.

Chorus: Och, boys, there was the doctoring
I was a famous concocter
If you want amputations or such alterations
Tim Molloy's the dispensary Doctor.


I cured some poor boys who were saved from a wreck
The bosun who once was the pride of the deck
I gave him a bowsprit instead of a neck
That was all through the skill of the doctor
The admiral shortly at court did appear
Her Majesty turned, saying, Admiral dear
Sure you're wearing a life-buoy instead of an ear
They were going to court martial the doctor.

Chorus:

A great fall in the hunting field happened you see
They sent off the horse to be doctored by me
So I shoved on his tail where his head ought to be
And they said it was cute of the doctor
He started, and there was the devil to pay
His head pointed right, but he soon went astray
As his legs were all going the opposite way
That was all through the skill of the doctor.

Chorus:

At a great railway accident there once again
I mended the passengers, so I'll explain
And I patched them all up with the bits of the train
Which was thought very smart of the doctor
Some said I had given their fatures the sack
Tim Finnigan swore that my skull he would crack
When 'Change here for Kilkenny' grew out of his back
He was all for destroying the doctor.

Chorus:

Dan Noran, whom every young lady adores
I patched up his skin and I mended his pores
But the rest of the man was all handles and doors
That was all through the skill of the doctor
When his sweetheart saw him and his fatures did scan
She said, 'Marry him do you think now I can?
He's a second class carriage instead of a man
That was all through the skill of the doctor.
 
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Performed by E.J. Lonnen (1860-1901)
 
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