DOCTOR WIGGLE WAGGLE
 
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In me you see a great M.D. - I'm Doctor Wiggle Waggle
The finest doctor on this earth - though I've no wish to braggle
I can cure you to be sure - any ailment
If in a row - you somehow- get your 'boko' bent -

Chorus: Come to me - then you'll see what I'll do for you
Polish it up with sandpaper - fix it up with glue
Give you a dose of castor oil, mixed with Irish stew
If you're sick - in a tick - you're cured.


If poor jay - you one day - get in an explosion
With a whizz - go off fizz - cause a great commotion
Don't you swear - tear your hair - though it gives you fits
If that stuff goes off puff - and blows you into bits.

Chorus: Come to me - then you'll see what I'll do for you
Polish it up with sandpaper - fix it up with glue
Give you a dose of opium - mixed with chloride of lime
There you am - streaky ham - cured.


If one night - in a fright - you wake from dreaming
You perspire - place on fire - all the lodgers screaming
Full of smoke - room, no joke, you can't get your breath
If, 'midst the din, roof falls in and you can't get your breath

Chorus: Come to me - then you'll see what I'll do for you
Polish it up with sandpaper - fix it up with glue
Give you a dose of turtle soup - mixed with twiggy-vous
There you am - Lipton's ham - saved your bacon.


If by the sea - on the spree - to stroll you have a notion
Ma-in-law - dear, oh lor! - tumbles in the ocean
You jump in - to her swim - seize her by the head
If she's ill - wants a pill - or if she's nearly dead,

Chorus: Come to me - then you'll see what I'll do for you
Polish it up with sandpaper - fix it up with glue
Give her a dose of rifle-shot - mixed with pinky poo
There she is - a real good biz - snuffed it.
 
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Written and composed by Norton Atkins; Oscar Schaller & H.G. Banks - 1896
Performed by Oscar Schaller
 
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