DOES ANYBODY WANT MY WIFE?
 
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Dave Cohen was a henpecked man, his wife made him her slave
Dave took her to the sea-side once - I should say she took Dave
And through his glasses he watched ladies bathing in the sea
Not knowing wifey stood behind him he cried out with glee
'Does anybody want my wife? Does anybody want my wife?'

Refrain: She struck him one blow they say
Quite unconscious there he lay
And sighed when he came round next day
'Does anybody want my wife?'


Where Cohen went his wife like Mary's lamb was close behind
She followed him once to the Park where speakers speak their mind
One shouted, 'We don't want free trade, what we want is free beer
We want our rights! We want our freedom!' Cohen said, 'Here here.'
'Does anybody want my wife? Does anybody want my wife?'

Refrain: 'Mister speaker, you're some guy
On my vote you can rely
You want protection, so do I
Does anybody want my wife?'


At Cohen's club some members were discussing golf one day
One said, 'My rheumatism and my gout has spoiled my play.'
Another said, 'Before I had lumbago I played fine.'
Then Cohen cried, 'You talk of your complaints, boys, what price mine?
'Does anybody want my wife? Does anybody want my wife?'

Refrain: 'If it weren't for her perhaps
I'd win handicaps, you chaps
But talking of our handicaps
Does anybody want my wife?'


She dragged poor Cohen with her to a remnant sale in town
She loaded him with parcels till he felt like falling down
He watched the ladies fighting for each remnant they espied
All shouting, 'I want this' and, 'I want that,' till Cohen cried
'Does anybody want my wife? Does anybody want my wife?'

Refrain: 'Ladies will you never tire
Fighting for your heart's desire
If it's a remnant you require
Does anybody want my wife?'


Poor Cohen's home was being sold up by an auctioneer
He stood there by his big fat wife and wiped away a tear
They'd knocked down all there was to knock, yes, even to the dog
When Cohen cried, 'There's one lot here not in the catalogue.
'Does anybody want my wife? Does anybody want my wife?'

Refrain: 'Do let me gain some renown
Thirty years I've been her clown
Here's my first chance to knock her down
Don't anybody want my wife?'
 
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Written and composed by Frank Leo - 1927
Performed by Tom Clare (1876-1946)
 
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