DOES IT HURT YOU VERY MUCH?
 
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How very sympathetic some people are
When they see other people in a plight
That reminds me of a man who was blown up
By a charge of dynamite
He lay upon the ground in a terrible state
Poor chap, he looked half dead
Then a dear old lady standing in the crowd
She poked him with her 'gamp' and said,

Chorus: 'Does it hurt you very much, sir?
Do you feel any pain anywhere?
There's your poor dear nose quite vanished from your face
And you've lost all your whiskers and your hair
When the dynamite hit you in the waist-coat
You seemed to shiver at the touch
There's a great big kerb-stone sticking in your eye
Does it hurt you very much?'


It suddenly occurred to me some years back
It was true that I went upon the mash
So I started for the fray with my best clothes on
And with eighteen pence in cash
I saw a pretty girl, she was coming my way
Says I, 'I'll work my plan.'
So I smiled on her - she started in alarm
Then looked at me and said, 'Poor man,

Chorus: 'Does it hurt you very much, sir?
Do you feel any pain anywhere?
Have you got some secret sorrow in your heart?
Is your grief something more than you can bear?
P'rhaps you've had a drop more than you're used to
Strong drink you never ought to touch
Do you often get that spasm in your face?
Does it hurt you very much?'


I was riding in an omnibus one wet day
With a fat lady sitting on my lap
While a fellow with a crutch sat alongside me
Oh, I felt for that poor chap
That 'Little bit of frock' was a terrible weight
My legs were feeling queer
Then the chap next to me, he gave a little grin
And whispered in my off-side ear,

Chorus: 'Does it hurt you very much, sir?
Do you feel any pain anywhere?
For a long time now that lady's been my wife
And her weight must be more than you can bear
I can sympathise with you very much, sir
You see I have to have a crutch
That was all through my wife sitting on my knees
Does she hurt you very much?'


The morning of my wedding-day I woke up
And I felt just as nervous as a cat
And I hurried to the church with my boots undone
And forgot to wear my hat
I thought that I would drop when the vicar turned up
I shook so at the knees
And I said, 'Before you start on the job
Oh, tell me what it feels like, please,

Chorus: 'Does it hurt you very much, sir?
Do you feel any pain anywhere?
If it gives you 'beans', like pulling out a tooth
Have you got any chloroform to spare?
And the honeymoon - tell me all about it
To me the word is 'double-dutch'
Is it some afflication married people have?
Does it hurt you very much?'
 
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Performed by Tom Costello (1863-1943)
 
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