DON'T IT DO YOUR EYESIGHT GOOD!
 
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When you court a little fairy and you see her at a dance,
Don't it do your eyesight good!
But if you to see the girl at home should ever get a chance,
Don't it do your eyesight good!
When her deshabille's all rags and she has smuts upon her nose,
And she's slanging at a policeman as she's hanging out the clothes,
When you find she has potatoes in the heels of both her hose,
Don't it do your eyesight good!

Chorus: Oh my! Isn’t it a sight!
If you've not beheld it, well, you should;
When you see your little saint, minus powder, wig and paint,
Don't it do your eyesight good!

If you chance to go out fishing and the fish bob up and down,
Don't it do your eyesight good!
When you think about the fishing prize you'll collar up in town,
Don't it do your eyesight good!
How to catch those merry fish all day in vain you plot and plan,
Till a fellow says, "Now haul in quick, you’ve got a bite, old man!"
You haul in, but when you find your catch a worn-out frying pan,
Don’t it do your eyesight good!

Chorus: Oh my! Isn’t it a sight!
If you've not beheld it—well, you should;
When your friends exclaim with joy, "Do to fry your fish, old boy,"
Don't it do your eyesight good!

When you stop away from work a day and go to see a race,
Don't it do your eyesight good!
If your guv'nor you discover, looking sternly in your face,
Don't it do your eyesight good!
P’r’aps with ev'ry cent you own you back a snip, you’re all agog,
When it win, off to the bookie for your cash at once you jog,
When you find out that, "He’s gone to see a man about a dog,"
Don't it do your eyesight good!

Chorus: Oh my! Isn't it a sight!
If you've not beheld it, well, you should;
When you get enough command just to view his vacant stand
Don't it do your eyesight good!

When you wed a little charmer and you see your home so bright,
Don't it do your eyesight good!
And the smile with which she greets you when you come from work at night,
Don't it do your eyesight good!
But you have a young man lodger, not a nicer men than he,
Till one night when you have told the wife at business late you'll be,
If you come home and your wife you find upon the lodger’s knee,
Don't it do your eyesight good!

Chorus: Oh my! Isn't it a sight!
If you've not beheld it, well, you should;
When you murmur, "Really... fie!" and the lodger blacks your eye,
Don’t it do your eyesight good!

If you are a weary bachelor and lodgings nice you get,
Don’t it do your eyesight good!
When the landlady’s ten children climb your knee and call you, "pet"
Don’t it do your eyesight good!
When you find your fav'rite razors used to cut a cricket bat,
And your Sunday top-coat used by all the kiddies as a mat,
When you find the cat has kittens in your brand-new high silk hat,
Don't it do your eyesight good!

Chorus: Oh my! Isn't it a sight!
If you've not beheld it, well you should;
When you find the son and heir mashing in your Sunday pair,
Don’t it do your eyesight good!

When you go to see the ballet and you gaze upon the girls,
Don't it do your eyesight good!
Oh! the show of naughty ankles, and the dimples, and the curls,
Don’t it do your eyesight good!
When you at the stage-door wait and mash a girl in fashion gay,
And you gaze at her when for a glass of "cham" for her you pay,
When you find she is your missus’ friend who lives across the way
Don't it do your eyesight good!

Chorus: Oh my! Isn't it a sight!
If you've not beheld it, well, you should;
When next day you see her call just to tell the missus all,
Don’t it do your eyesight good!

 
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Written and composed by E.W. Rogers - 1895
Performed by Vesta Tilley (1864-1952)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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