DON'T MAKE A NOISE OR ELSE YOU'LL WAKE THE BABY
 
George Leybourne
 
If you perceive my bosom heave,
'Tis caused by proud delight,
For I'm a very different man,
To what I was last night;
For some time in my house, a nurse,
Has air'e her awkward charms,
But I'm glad to say, this morning, I
Found something in her arms.

Spoken... When I enquired as innocently as possible, 'Lor! nurse, whatever have you got there?' she said, 'Hush-h-h-h!

Chorus: Don't make a noise or else you'll wake the baby,
Don't make a noise or else you'll wake the child,
Don't make a row, or you'll disturb the infant,
I feel so awfully, awfully jolly, I think I shall go wild.

As soon as e'er the news was told,
In, every neighbour comes,
Some said, 'What a splendid child!'
Others, 'Bless it's gums!'
My feelings were so glorious,
Describe them, no-one can!
And the ladies seemed to look at me,
As a very clever man.

Spoken... They said, 'Mr. Snooks, you ought to feel thankful, sir.' I said, 'I do, I do, I do!' Then they said, 'Oh! Sir, you ought to be proud!' I said, 'I am, I am, I am!' and then they all said, 'Hush-h-h-h!

Chorus:

On the day I married, so was 'Jones',
Who said, quite on the sly,
'Who'll be a happy father first,
I wonder, you or I?'
Jones always thinks he's number one,
Today that bliss is mine,
So when we meet I'll have some fun,
And crack a bottle of wine!

Spoken... And drink the darling's health and with a look full of meaning I shall observe to Jones, 'Hush-h-h-h,

Chorus:

With a parent's fond affection, now,
I feel all of aglow,
But what to name the lovely babe,
I don't exactly know;
I'd like to call him something grand,
And worthy of a 'Snooks',
And when he's christened, you must come
And see how nice he looks!

Spoken... Oh! you must come and see baby, you shall have a 'private view' and we're going to have him weighed! so do come along mind, hush-h-h-h!

Chorus:

 
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Written and composed by G.W. Hunt - 1870
Performed by George Leybourne (1842-1884)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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