At a swagger restaurant, they'd called to dine - had some wine
Charlie Brown was in a plight, he was locked out for the night
Said Peter, 'Stay with me, now, don't decline.'
He murmured, as he let himself in, with the front door key
'Just take your boots off, Charlie boy, and creep up stairs with me.'
Chorus: Don't say a word to the W.I.F.E. Don't say a word to the wife
There's no need for you to shout it
They'll be trouble waiting for me if she hears about it
I have to be so W.I.D.E. to save all rows and strife
'Tho' we've no spare room,' he said
'You can sleep beneath our bed, but 'sh not a word to the wife.'
Down at Brighton, on the Pier, Peter met a pretty dear
And they flirted, in a manner quite absurd - Mum's the word
As they listened to the band, in her muff, she squeezed his hand
And he called her his little dicky bird
As they strolled from the pier she sighed,
'You make my poor heart thrill,
Will you love me for ever?' and said he, 'Of course I will.'
Chorus: Don't say a word to the W.I.F.E. Don't say a word to the wife
There's no need for you to shout it
They'll be trouble waiting for me if she hears about it
I have to be so W.I.D.E. to save all rows and strife
He said, When I'm by the sea, I don't care what becomes of me
But 'sh not a word to the wife.'
Peter trotted home one day, and it took his breath away
When he saw the doctor waiting on the mat
Said the doctor, 'How d'you do? I've a bit of news for you
We'll just go in and have a quiet chat.
You are a lucky man you are,' the dear old doctor said
'You're father of a fine boy.' Oh! said Peter, turning red,
Chorus: Don't say a word to the W.I.F.E. Don't say a word to the wife
There's no need for you to shout it
They'll be trouble waiting for me if she hears about it
I have to be so W.I.D.E. to save all rows and strife
If she finds out,, you see, she'll put all the blame on me
But 'sh not a word to the wife.'
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