Some chaps have got a nasty way of talking
When they get a bit put out
I've been courting some young girl this last six months
But her father came and caught us indoors once
Oh, you should have heard him shout
He said, 'What's your little game? and then
I saw him get ready for a kick
And when he said, 'I'll chuck you through the window,'
Then I grabbed my hat and answered pretty quick,

Refrain: 'Don't say it like that, please
I've never seen you look so cross before
I don't want to take your blooming girl away
You're going to chuck me thro' the window, so you say
What's the matter with the door?'

I was at a pub the other evening
And I'll own up I was broke
Some chap on the counter left a pot of beer
When his back was turned I took a sip - d'yer hear
I thought it was a real good joke
When he saw me licking all his froth off
He came up and snatched the pot away
And cried, 'Guv'nor, chuck this down the sink hole
He's been drinking it!' Well, then I had to say

Refrain: 'Don't say it like that, please
You talk of wines a-flowing from the South
I didn't know it was your pot I went to drink
You say you're going to chuck the beer all down the sink
What's the matter with my mouth?'

Last year I went to a Christmas party
Oh, we had a lively time
All the girls kissed me beneath the mistletoe
And I wasn't backward, not a bit, what ho!
For some of the girls were prime
My pal Jack he seemed to get the needle
When his wife to kiss me came and tried
He said, 'There's no need to kiss her back,'

Refrain: 'Don't say it like that please
I don't want bits of me about the place
If she kisses me, well, I can't help it Jack
You say if she does I mustn't kiss her back
What's the matter with her face?'

I insured my home against all burglars
For a little hundred pounds.
And I meant to get that hundred quid all right,
But no robber came and so I met one night
A Burglar upon his rounds.
I said, 'Come inside and burgle my house,
Ain't it nearly time you had a try?'
He said, 'You ain’t got anythingto burgle,
You're a blooming fraud, Well then I had to cry,

Refrain: 'Don’t say it like that, please,
I've not been so insulted in my life,
You call yourself a proper burglar, well, it's cheek,
Won't break in my house, cos there’s nothing there to sneak
What’s the matter with my wife?'

Written and composed by Harry Leighton & George Everard - 1900
Performed by Harry Ford (1877-1955)
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