DON'T SING IN RAGTIME
 
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A manager just shouted, 'Bill', shouted 'Bill'
Shouted what? 'Don't sing a ragtime song.'
'The audience, they have had their fill, had their fill.'
'Their fill of what?' 'Their fill of the use of
Ragtime perpetrations
Your ragtime urgency makes me feel hurt
Your ragtime trousers and your ragtime shirt
Your ragtime boots and your ragtime hat
But, oh goodness gracious, let it end at that.

Chorus: Don't sing in ragtime
Don't sing in ragtime
Or your only wasting your time, my time
Everybodys time
Don't sing in ragtime, ragtime's only a sell
It makes the drums go bang bang bang
And the audience shout out well
Sing in your breakfast time, dinner time, supper time
In your overtime, whilst you're doing time
Don't, don't, don't, don't sing in ragtime.

Everybody's doing it, doing it, doing what?
Singing these ragtime songs
Everybody's rueing it, rueing it, rueing what?
Rueing these ragtime demonstrations
Ragtime singers wagging ragtime chins
Ragtime piccolos and violins
My little wife she's got a ragtime skirt
She won't sew the buttons on my ragtime shirt.

Chorus: Don't sing in ragtime
Don't sing in ragtime
Or your only wasting your time, my time
Everybodys time
Don't sing in ragtime, ragtime's only a sell
It makes the drums go bang bang bang
And the audience hollar out well
Sing in your breakfast time, dinner time, supper time
In your overtime, whilst you're doing time
Don't, don't, don't, don't sing in ragtime.

When you come to think of it, think of it
Think of what? all them ragtime songs
We're right on the brink of it, brink of it
Brink of what? of the lunatic asylum
Ragtime paupers with a ragtime 'lump'
Ragtime camel with a ragtime hump
Ragtime chickens laying ragtime eggs
Ragtime ballet girls with ragtime legs.

Chorus: Don't sing in ragtime
Don't sing in ragtime
Or your only wasting your time, my time
Everybodys time
Don't sing in ragtime, ragtime's only a sell
It makes the drums go bang bang bang
And the audience hollar out well
Sing in your breakfast time, dinner time, supper time
In your overtime, whilst you're doing time
Don't, don't for heaven's sake don't sing in ragtime.

 
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Written, composed and performed by Billy Merson (1881-1947)
 
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