DOWN CAME THE BLIND
 
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Not so long ago in the big wash tub
Mother made a pudden', was a lovely bit o' grub.
While Mother stirred it with our yard broom,
Neighbours full o' jealousy come lookin' in the room.
They yelled out and pointed with their thumbs
'Arf a ton o' dough and not a pennyworth o' plums.
Down came the blind. Father took 'is slippers off,
Danced on the dough. Mother sent the nippers off.
Glancin' about, a rollin' pin to find.
We 'adn't got a pudden cloth so down come the blind.
Down came the blind. Father took 'is slippers off,
Danced on the dough. Mother sent the nippers off.
Glancin' about, a rollin' pin to find.
We 'adn't got a pudden cloth so down come the blind.

Father 'ad a pitch down at Mitcham Fair,
Got a lot o' cannon balls, covered 'em with hair.
'Roll, bowl a pitch!' you could 'ear 'im cry.
Thinkin' they were coconuts the people 'ad a try.
One big bloke bowled up at them a treat,
'It me sister's bonnet, she was 'oldin' up the sheet.
Down came the blind. 'E thought 'e'd 'it a cocomut.
'It Polly Jane, knocked 'er bonnet off an' broke 'er nut.
Out came 'er brains an' a feller just be'ind
Said: 'Lumme, what a milky one!' and down came the blind.
Down came the blind. 'E thought 'e'd 'it a cocomut
'It Polly Jane, knocked 'er bonnet off an' broke 'er nut.
Out came 'er brains an' a feller just be'ind
Said: 'Lumme, what a milky one!' and down came the blind.

Sally Brown, a pickle-maker, so they say,
Came to work on Monday in a wedding gown o' grey.
'You're married now,' all the work gals said.
'Sally, tell us all about the day that you were wed.'
'Well,' Sal said, 'I 'ad supper along o' John.
Then 'e blew the candle out so they go one to one.
Down came the blind. 'Sally, tell us all the rest of it.
You're in the dark, Sal. Tell us all the best of it.'
'Well,' Sally said, 'till a hubby you can find
So must you be in the dark and down came the blind.
Down came the blind. 'Tell us all the rest of it.
You're in the dark, Sal. Tell us all the best of it.'
'Well,' Sally said, 'till a hubby you can find
So must you be in the dark and down came the blind.'

Now Private Macmurdo of the old Black Watch
Used to 'ave to wear a kilt to prove that 'e was Scotch.
Called on the cook, 'ad a nice quiet talk,
Sitting on the table chewing at a leg o' pork.
Sergeant McGinn see 'im walkin' on 'is beat
Looked an' saw the hielander demolishing 'is meat,
Down came the blind. The Scotsman getting merrier
Started to dance. The guv'nor's little terrier
Went for 'is kilt, started swingin' on be'ind.
The cook she went to put him off but down came the blind.
Down came the blind. The Scotsman getting merrier
Started to dance. The guv'nor's little terrier
Went for 'is kilt, started swingin' on be'ind.
The cook she went to pull him off but down come the blind.

 
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Performed by Harry Champion (1865-1942)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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