'E TALKS LIKE A PICTURE BOOK
 
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Now at the Pipe and Pewter there's a sort of little club
And 'Inky' in the chair is just immense
At argyment, there ain't a cove wot uses that there pub
Wot can take 'is number down, or talk more sense
'E sez if all of England's welf was piled up in the bank
So as each man 'ad 'is share, and nuffin more
There'd be a quid a week for all, no matter what their rank
Yus, and then 'e said we shouldn't 'ave no poor.

Chorus: Oh, 'e talks just like a picture book, does 'Inky'
At argyment 'e's quite a foroughbred
Though 'e deals in coal and coke
'E's a heducated bloke and
A man who's got some big fings in 'is 'ead.

Now about the rights of women we 'ave 'eard a lot of talk
But old 'Inky's' got their business fairly set
'E sez give 'em all they ask, and we'll be bound to score a chalk
'E sez give 'em everyfink they want ter get
And, 'e sez, when they 'ave got it, they'll be bound to ask for more
For in every trade they'll want ter 'ave their call
Ther wife will earn the brass, and then ther 'usband, you be sure
Can get boozed at 'ome, and do no work at all.

Chorus:

Now one night we 'ad an argyment, ter try and fix ther cause
Of old England's power a-being on ther wane
Some of 'em blamed the Tories, and their good-for-nothing laws
While some sed it's all through Gladstone, that is plain
'You're wrong there, gents,' said 'Inky', for the blame it can't be laid
Not on Salisbury or Gladstone, never fear.'
Then I told 'im that I reckopned we were ruined through bad trade
But 'e sez, 'It ain't bad trade - no, it's bad - beer.

Chorus:
 
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Written and composed by A.R. Marshall & George Le Brunn - 1893
Performed by Gus Elen (1862-1940)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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