I took my gal to a Ball one night, 'twas called a social hop
We stood until the crowd passed out and the music it did stop
Then to a restaurant we went the best one in the street
She said she wasn't hungry but you should see her eat.

Chorus: A mutton chop, chicken's crop, oysters by the score
Asparagus with apple sass, still she hollered more
Oyster stew, biscuits too, her appetite was immense
When she called for pie I thought I'd die,
For I had but eighteen pence.

She said she wasn't hungry, and didn't care to eat
But I've got money in my clothes, says she I can't be beat
She took it in so cosy, she's got an awful 'tank'
She said she wasn't thirsty, but this is what she drank,

Chorus: Whisky skin, a glass of gin, it made me shake with fear
Some ginger pop, with rum on top, and a barrel of lager beer
Bass's ale, gin cocktail, she ought to have had more sense
When she called for more, I fell on the floor
For I had but eighteen pence.

You bet I wasn't hungry, and I didn't care to eat
Expecting every moment to be kicked into the street
She said she'd bring her family round, some day, and have some fun
I gave the man my eighteen pence and what do you think he's done,

Chorus: He's broke my nose, tore my clothes, hit me on the jaw
He gave me a prize for a pair of black eyes and with me wiped the floor
He grabbed me by the trouserloons and threw me over the fence
Take my advice, don't try it twice, when you've got eighteen pence.

She called me up to the telephone, and talked to me so sweet
Said, 'Take me down to Richmond, I'm hungry and want to eat
I'm over here in Islington, waiting to be fed.'
But before I shut that telephone off this is what I said,

Chorus: 'I'm sick in bed, I'm nearly dead, my eyes are both in black
I've got no snout, my teeth are out, and all my bones are cracked
My back is sore, my clothes are tore, I've got too much good sense
If I'd taken that drive, I'd never been alive, for I'd lost my eighteen pence.'
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