ELIZA BROWN
 
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The old maid of our village used to be Eliza Brown
I married her, and made my life a wreck
Upon our wedding day, I slipped, and as I tumbled down
I absolutely wished I'd broke my neck
She's full of fads and fancies - keeps a small menagerie
She feeds the cats with cream in our best cups
She's got eleven 'Bow-Wows', and the whole work falls on me
I have to chew the biscuit for the pups

Chorus: I've had enough of Eliza Brown,
'Liza Brown, 'Liza Brown
I've had enough of Eliza Brown, I wonder I'm her survivor
When the doctor calls he always ties her down
Ties her down, ties her down
If the undertaker's man ever calls round with his van
I hope he brings a big screw-driver.


I only found this out the day that I made her my wife
She's got an eye that seems to pierce you through
Her very look is twice as sharp as our old carving-knife
A glance from her is just like cutting you
But, oh! her fads and fancies, and her new tea-total drinks
To test them for her is my daily toil
Not only do I have to get down 'reds' and 'blues' and 'pinks'
I have to drink them while they're on the boil.

Chorus:

I'm very pleased to say that she is always having fits
And lately she's been very, very bad
Last week she chopped our home into a thousand little bits
Which absolutely proves she's raving mad
All through her fancies and her fads, she fancies I am dead
And what do you think I've done a row to save?
I've dug a hole in our back-yard, in which I've made my bed
Where she nightly does a war-dance round my grave.

Chorus:
 
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Written and composed by Joseph Tabrar - 1908
Performed by Tom Costello (1863-1843)
 
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