THE ENVY OF THE WORLD DOWN AT WESTMINSTER
or 'Victoria's School'
 
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There's a lady called Victoria who keeps a little school
Containing many clever boys and many a little fool
The school is down in Westminster, an old established one
The scholars full of business too, and often full of fun
Now some are very jolly boys and some are very sad
Then there are good and goody boys and also very bad
Theres an upper and a lower class, but as a general rule
The cleverest of boys I think, are in the lower school.

Chorus: We're proud of our boys down at Westminster
Though some make a noise down at Westminster
Long may Victoria rule o'er this old established school
The envy of the world down at Westminster.

Theres a naughty boy in school and master Parnell is his name
To cause a great disturbance seemed to be his little game
But one of the headmasters very quickly made him wince
For master P. was shut up and hes scarcely spoken since
Young Healy was so rude that he's been turned out once or twice
And Biggar called Millbank a name that wasnt very nice
Young Bradlaugh who is clever ( you'd not think so by his looks )
Has been reprimanded once or twice for writing naughty books.

Chorus:

Then there is master Labouchere, with talent overflows
They call him truthful Tommy, 'cos he isn't I suppose
And master Randolph Churchill, noble boy but harmless one
Who innocently in the schools the cause of lots of fun
Then there is the headmaster, he's the one to reprimand
He stops their quarreling very quickly that is Mr. Brand
And there's Argyle in the upper class from Scottish hills and moors
Says to Liberal little boys, you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours.

Chorus:

The cleverest boy in the school we've had for many a day
Was one who from the lower class, had upward worked his way
We've lost that wondrous scholar,for alas he is no more
But high and low of every class, his loss will long deplore
The favourite of Victoria, the glory of the school
The right hand of his mistress,with a brain so clear and cool
Such scholars cause us to be proud, when England's flags-unfurled,
And make our school at Westminster, the envy of the world.

Chorus:

 
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Written and composed by Arthur Lloyd
Performed by G.H. MacDermott (1845 - 1901)
From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
 
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