'ER UPSTAIRS
 
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Ye know Bayswater don't yer, well ye know Acacia Street
Well that corner house it's number twenty three
It's a lodging house, I beg its pardon - boarding-house I mean
And the general factotum there is me
Well, the grub it ain't so dusty, and the missus she's A.1.
As far as work's concerned we always shares
The only 'lift within the root', as them there poets sez
Is that mischief-making cat upstairs.

Chorus: 'Er upstairs, always gets 'er nose in folk's affairs
Ye can't go down the street but what she's peeping round the blind
And the things she says about me, oh, she's got a wicked mind
For scattering seeds of kindness, I bet you never find
Another one like - 'Er upstairs.


Another thing about 'er, she so shockin' finnicky
Particualr - well it's beyond belief
Digs the forks into cloth yer know, to see if they was clean
And wipes the cups round with 'er 'andkerchief
She wants impossibilities, she's always findin' fault
We had an awful row the other day
'Cause she found a little insec' on some lettuce wot I washed
Well wot's a insec'? It's lettuce anyway.

Chorus: 'Er upstairs, at a thumb-mark on the loaf she glares
If the missis and me whispers, a thing we often do
She swears it's 'er we're talking of, and gets in such a stew
She's the most suspicious person that I ever knew
She's the limit - she is - 'Er upstairs.


And then she's so unreasonable, ye know she's got a dog
Well she 'ad a dog afore I took it out
I lost it, well upon me soul, it might 'ave been a 'orse
The way she raved an' put 'erself about
She said that I was careless to let it off the lead
Well, p'r'ps I was, but don't ye feel a fool
Walking down the street with a tike tied on a string
Besides I'm in a hurry as a rule.

Chorus: 'Er upstairs, I 'ate 'er Moody-Sankey airs
She can't bear this 'ere costume, she thinks it's far too bright
And she had the blinkin' sauce to say to me the other night
That she 'oped I got it 'onestly, ain't that a bit of alright?
But it's jealousy with 'er upstairs.
 
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Written and performed by Wish Wynne (1882-1931)
Music by Bernard Kitchen
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